The Space Alien Aspires to Join the Supremes

Your Editor found the Space Alien in the Space Alien Gazette cloakroom wearing a black robe and posing in front of a full length mirror.

"What in the world!" she cried!

"I'm trying on this judicial robe," said the Space Alien "because I'm going to join the United States Supreme Court and I want to be properly dressed!"

The Space Alien Models Judicial Robe

"You cannot do that!" said Your Editor. "You are not properly qualified, plus you do not even exist!  You are imaginary!"

"This may be true," grumbled the Space Alien, "but I know right from wrong, which may be more than some of these justices do!"

"What do you mean?" asked Your Editor.  

"Just read this!" yelled the Space Alien, angrily waving a copy of an advance sheet with the Opinion in Trump v. Hawaii (and here, Loyal Reader, you may read it as well):

https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/17pdf/17-965_h315.pdf

Or in the news, for example: 
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/26/politics/travel-ban-supreme-court/index.html


"The dissenting view, that this 'travel ban' against people from certain countries was in fact religious discrimination, made more sense than the majority opinion," said the Space Alien, adding modestly: "if I had been on the Supreme Court I most certainly could have persuaded the others to stop this travesty!"

Then the Space Alien pulled out a slightly edited picture, saying: "This is what the Supreme Court SHOULD look like!"

Space Alien's Suggested Supreme Court Portrait

"Well it doesn't, and it won't be, and I'm just as sad as you are!" said your Editor, "so get out of that black robe and put on your green eyeshade and get back to work!  Our best hope to save Democracy is a vigorous, independent press, and that is what we strive to be here at the Space Alien Gazette!"

The Space Alien Back at Work
Defending your Right to Know!
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BREAKING NEWS -- June 28, 2018: Shortly after this edition went to press, Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy announced his retirement.  

The Space Alien will not seek to fill this vacancy personally, but urges all Loyal Readers to call their United States Senators urging them to wait until AFTER the upcoming midterm elections in November to consider candidates for this important position. The Capitol Switchboard at 202-224-3121 will help you reach your U.S. Senators.  

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The Space Alien Responds to a Man-Made Disaster of the ICE Age

Your Editor found the Space Alien hunched over a typewriter working hard on a story for the National News section of the Space Alien Gazette.

"I'm writing about the horrible things happening to children at the U.S.-Mexican border," said the Space Alien.  "Have a  look at my copy so far."

You Editor gasped when she saw these words:

"The President, who infests the White House, met with members of the Congressional leadership who infest the Capitol, and with members of his Cabinet who infest buildings throughout Washington, D.C." 

"You can't write this!" said Your Editor.   "You cannot use the word 'infest' with respect to human beings!"   She picked up a dictionary and opened it.  "Just look; 'infest' only applies to insects or animals!"

"But the President used this word for human beings so I thought I could do that too!" complained the Space Alien.

"No," said Your Editor.  "If humans do not obey the law we have procedures to deal with that, but they were not followed here.  And these families trying to keep their children safe are human beings deserving full respect for their humanity."

The Space Alien reached for an eraser - -"I'm going to correct this, but I want to help these families and especially the children!"  

Your Editor said: "We'll run information on how our Loyal Readers can help!"

"That's a wonderful idea!" said the Space Alien.  "No child deserves this treatment!"

And with that, the Space Alien put on an appropriate cap, packed a first aid kit and some favorite toys, and traveling at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, quickly reached the children to care for them, cheer them and comfort them.

While the Space Alien is away on this important mission, here are ideas for Loyal Readers who would also like to help!  

RAICES Family Unification and Bond Fund

https://www.texastribune.org/2018/06/18/heres-list-organizations-are-mobilizing-help-separated-immigrant-child

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/06/20/where-to-donate-to-help-immigrant-children-and-families-at-the-border.html

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The Space Alien Visits Machu Picchu

Your Editor was working against an unforgiving deadline to finish a new Space Alien Gazette post for our Loyal Readers, but the Space Alien was nowhere in sight!   What to do?  How could important news be printed without the star reporter?

Suddenly the Space Alien appeared, carrying a heavy oxygen tank!  

"Where have you been, and why are you carrying that oxygen tank?" asked Your Editor.

"I've just returned from the fabulous ruins of Machu Picchu in Peru," answered the Space Alien.  "I'm working on an exciting new article for our Travel Section!  The view was magnificent, but at altitudes of 8,000 feet above sea level I could hardly breathe, so I needed this!"

"I took some fantastic pictures," continued the Space Alien, "but the authorities noticed me.  Since I'm imaginary, I have no passport, and I was afraid they would arrest me!"

"You certainly were in danger!" exclaimed Your Editor, "so what did you do?"

"Luckily a nice tourist saw how sad and frightened I was and offered to bring me home!" answered the Space Alien.  "By remarkable coincidence my rescuer was a Loyal Reader of the Space Alien Gazette.  She said this beautiful pottery bowl was a gift for you!  She was thrilled to meet me, and she hid me inside this beautiful bowl for the flight home!"

"You were lucky!" said Your Editor,  "The authorities might have taken you away forever if they had found you!"

"NO!" cried the Space Alien!  "I've heard about unspeakable things like this happening to little children, and I'm so grateful be here with you now!"

"So am I," said Your Editor. "My friend was so kind and so brave to bring you home safely,  and the bowl is indeed beautiful.  But how did you manage to fit inside?"

"No problem," answered the Space Alien.  "When you are imaginary, size is relative!  You should try it sometime!"

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The Space Alien Gives Your Editor a Birthday Gift

As Your Editor woke up to yet another birthday, it seemed to her as if she'd had one just yesterday!  "Why do my birthdays seem to come so thick and fast these days?"  she wondered.

Then she noticed a beautifully wrapped gift box!
And there was the Space Alien, smiling happily!


"It's your birthday so I got you a gift!" said the Space Alien.  "I hope you like it!"


Your Editor quickly opened it and found a stuffed toy bearing remarkable resemblance to the Space Alien!

She gave stuffed toy a hug and turned to the Space Alien:  "This is amazing!" she cried.  "Why, it even looks something like you!"

"Oh, I'm probably much better looking," answered the Space Alien modestly, "but see, it's a handy neck pillow because sometimes you tell me that I'm a 'pain in the neck' and this could help!"

"It will certainly come in handy," said Your Editor, "But how did you buy it?"

"Well, you know I am imaginary and can't get my own credit card, so I used yours.  But I COULD have gotten a LOT more money!"

"Really?  How?" asked Your Editor.

"A highly placed individual offered me LOT of money for 'insights' into how you make decisions about stories in the Space Alien Gazette!  I think this individual wanted me to influence you in some way, and I could have gotten a LOT of money for that!"

"You didn't accept that, did you?" asked Your Editor, horrified at the thought.

"Of course not!" answered the Space Alien.  "I make all of these decisions anyway!  You just get the grammar and spelling and punctuation right -- at least you do most of the time.  But we both want the Space Alien Gazette to observe the very highest standards of journalistic integrity, and no amount of money could change that!"

"I'm so proud of you!" exclaimed Your Editor.  "Your kindness and integrity are the very best birthday gifts of all!"

The Space Alien gave a happy nod of acknowledgment, and then scurried back into the kitchen, emerging with an enormous birthday cake!

"Happy Birthday!  I made this cake for you early this morning!"

"It's beautiful!" cried Your Editor.  "Your cakes are legendary and they are always so delicious!  But why just three candles?"

"Well, we almost burned the house down with all those candles last year, so this year I'm playing it safe!" answered the Space Alien.

"I guess you're right," said Your Editor.  "At my age I suppose it's safety first!"

"Your words, not mine," murmured the Space Alien, scurrying to bring plates and forks, as well as some lovely flowers.  "But now let's sing 'Happy Birthday' and enjoy a nice piece of cake!"

And they did!

Editor's Note: The Space Alien's gifts last year were well-documented. If you have not already read that post, the Space Alien highly recommends doing so now at: http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2017/05/the-space-alien-celebrates-your-editors.html

Birthday Flowers!
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The Space Alien Visits the Art Institute

The Space Alien decided to visit the Adler Planetarium in Chicago  to study astronomy, but instead of taking the 146 Bus to the Planetarium, accidentally hopped aboard an early morning 151 Bus and headed for the Art Institute of Chicago.  

Riding the bike rack on the front of the bus was convenient and gave the Space Alien a chance to greet passersby who were thrilled to catch a glimpse of the Space Alien!

The Space Alien aboard the 151 Bus

 The Space Alien met a friend on the Art Institute steps.

The Space Alien Greets a Friend

Despite missing the Adler Planetarium, the Space Alien was able to study astronomy by examining the famous painting Starry Night, by Vincent Van Gogh. "I never saw stars like this before!" exclaimed the Space Alien to the friendly guard standing nearby.

The Space Alien Studies Astronomy

It was also a thrill for the Space Alien to meet and to have the ear of the artist Vincent Van Gogh. What exciting tales they shared with each other.

The Space Alien Shares a Secret

Vinnie (as the artist urged his new friend, the Space Alien, to call him) told the Space Alien that the current occupant of the White House had asked the Guggenheim Museum in Washington D.C.  to lend him a Van Gogh painting, and that the Guggenheim Museum had responded with an offer to lend a "solid gold toilet," about which you, Loyal Reader, may read at * below.    

(The Space Alien found this in terrible taste, but in the interest of keeping Loyal Readers fully informed, feels obliged share it on these pages.) 

All in all it was an inspiring but somewhat overtiring day for the Space Alien, who found a nice place to take a nap in the peaceful galleries of the Art Institute.  What a cozy room this was!  The Space Alien's new friend Vincent Van Gogh was so kind to share it!

The Space Alien Takes a Nap in Vincent Van Gogh's Bedroom 

While relaxing, the Space Alien reflected on this exciting day.  Sometimes even mistakes can have wonderful outcomes!  

All too soon it was time to go home, and the same bus that brought the Space Alien to the Art Institute was waiting outside the door for the return trip!  

By now it was quite late, so the Space Alien rode on the roof hoping to catch a glimpse of the same stars seen by Van Gogh.  Unfortunately Chicago smog trumped starry nights so this was not possible. 

The Space Alien Rides Home on the 151 Bus

The Space Alien recommends visiting the Chicago Art Institute -- or an art museum in your city.   You will find all sorts of treasures there, and you may even catch sight of the Space Alien!

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*https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/dc-politics/the-white-house-wanted-a-van-gogh-the-guggenheim-offered-a-used-solid-gold-toilet/2018/01/25/38d574fc-0154-11e8-bb03-722769454f82_story.html
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The Space Alien Shares a Passover Memory

Your Editor is temporarily (we hope) out of commission and cannot produce a brand new issue of the Space Alien Gazette in time for this special holiday weekend.

However, the Space Alien suggested that just as Passover is the time to share an account of a great event, this may be a good time to repeat a past issue of the Space Alien Gazette appropriate for the season.

We therefore hope Loyal Readers will enjoy reading, or re-reading, this thrilling account from an issue which ran a year ago.

Whatever holiday you may observe in the coming days, we wish you inspiration and joy.

Please open the link below, which comes with best wishes from all of us here at the Space Alien Gazette, your Reliable Source for Alternative Facts!

Here's that Link! 

http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2017/04/the-space-aliens-passover-encounter.html

Note: if you are reading the e-mail edition, we suggest that your reading experience of the Space Alien Gazette will be enhanced by opening this blog at: www.SpaceAlienGazette.com    

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The Space Alien is Home for Purim

The Space Alien returned from a lovely winter vacation just in time for Purim, which this year begins the evening of February 28 through March 1 (but a bit longer in Jerusalem!), and now it was time to prepare for this joyous festival celebrating the victory of good over evil!

Working at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, the Space Alien prepared platter after platter of Hamantashen, delicious triangular cookies stuffed with poppy seeds or sweet fruit.

While the Hamantashen were baking, the Space Alien read about the origin of these traditional cookies.  Even Loyal Readers who know the story of Purim may find surprising new information here:  http://time.com/4695901/purim-history-hamantaschen/

Loyal Readers may also recall how the Space Alien observed Purim last year:
 http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-space-aliens-purim-celebration.html.
(In the opinion of You Editor, many of the matters referenced there apply this year as well.)

This year, however, the Space Alien experienced a sense of deep concern, only heightened while reviewing an article published two years ago in The Forward. 

 https://forward.com/opinion/336149/trump-is-not-hitler-and-hes-not-haman-hes-ahasuerus/

But the Space Alien realized it would do no good to dwell on such matters because Purim was at hand.

The Festival of Purim is to be observed in four specific ways, and the Space Alien quickly set about doing this.

  1.  First the Space Alien listened twice to a reading of the Book of Esther -- the only biblical book traditionally written on its very own scroll -- and considered once more how an impulsive and selfish king, influenced by an evil advisor, was finally turned around by a brave young woman.

The Space Alien thought deeply about the importance of being brave enough to do the right thing and not to give in to fear or despair, or to become confused by life's contradictions and discrepancies.

2.  Next the Space Alien prepared baskets of delicious treats for friends and family, sharing pleasure and enhancing loving relationships.

3.  Then the Space Alien shared food and money for some meals with those in need, and experienced the joy of giving and strengthening community ties.

The Space Alien also borrowed Your Editor's credit card to make a  generous contribution to the Greater Chicago Food Depository and urges Loyal Readers to do so as well!

https://www.chicagosfoodbank.org


4.  Finally, the the Space Alien invited everyone to a wonderful party to celebrate the Festival of Purim, to wear costumes and eat yummy food, but most of all, to encourage optimism over despair, and to energize everyone to work for a better future!

  Your Editor, as well as the reporters, editors, press operators and delivery drivers of the Space Alien Gazette join the Space Alien in wishing everyone a Happy Purim!

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The Space Alien Plans a Vacation and Sends a Valentine

Your Editor had enough of winter!  It was cold and dark and icy, and, to make matters worse,  the Space Alien had built a snowman and was going around telling everyone that it "looks just like Your Editor!"

Enough was enough, thought Your Editor, and she had just started packing for a lovely winter getaway to the Cayman Islands when the Space Alien whooshed in carrying a well-traveled valise.

"Where are your going?" asked Your Editor, who was frantically searching for her plane ticket and passport.

"I thought I'd go with you," answered the Space Alien.  "Publishing the Space Alien Gazette is hard work and I could use a little sea and sunshine so I'll join you!  I just checked out the latest Cayman tourist publication and this looks like it would be perfect for me!  Nothing more relaxing than a hammock on the beach!"

Your Editor, watching a quiet, stress-free vacation going down the drain, turned to the Space Alien and asked, "How will you do that?  You don't even have a passport!"

"I've thought about that," answered the Space Alien.  "Since I'm imaginary there's no way I can get a passport, so I'll travel as your Emotional Support Animal!  Not only dogs, but even birds, pigs, hamsters and iguanas have been allowed on planes to give emotional support to travelers, and to tell the truth, you look like you could use this!"

"No!" cried Your Editor picking up a copy of the Space Alien Gazette's main competitor, the Chicago Tribune. "Just look!  Airlines are cracking down on this!"

And she proceeded to show the Space Alien the following articles, which you, Loyal Reader, may find here:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/editorials/ct-edit-delta-support-animals-airlines-20180119-story.html

http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-biz-united-emotional-support-peacock-20180131-story.html

 http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-biz-united-tightens-rules-emotional-support-animals-0202-story.html

"YOU are NOT a trained support animal," concluded Your Editor, "so you cannot be flying around free on airplanes!"

"Well I'll just buy a regular ticket then," pouted the Space Alien.  "Of course since I'm imaginary I'll have to use your credit card!"

And with that, the Space Alien scurried out the door, leaving Your Editor envisioning a vacation likely to be considerably more complicated than usual!

Meanwhile the Space Alien enjoyed fantasies of what a wonderful trip this would be!

Here is what Your Editor hopes to find on Grand Cayman Island:

And here is an exclusive peek at what the Space Alien is anticipating:

Before departing, the Space Alien would like to wish Loyal Readers a happy and loving St. Valentine's Day!  The Space Alien made this special one-of-a-kind Valentine greeting, with a cookie baked right inside, just for you!

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