Saturday, July 21, 2018

The Space Alien Makes Secret Recordings

The Space Alien staggered into the insanely busy newsroom of the Space Alien Gazette carrying a huge reel-to-reel tape recorder and a bulky old-fashioned microphone.  

"What in the world is THAT?" asked Your Editor.

"I'll be making secret recordings of all my interactions from now on," answered the Space Alien, still trying to catch a breath.   "Everyone is doing it these days and I want to keep in step!"

"But that huge old-fashioned equipment isn't going to be invisible!" exclaimed your editor. "How will you make secret recordings?"

"I've thought of that!" answered the Space Alien.  "I'm learning to hypnotize people so they won't even know it's there!"

The Space Alien picked up a book from a large stack of works on hypnosis.  "If you repeat the same lie over and over enough times lots of people think it's the truth!  Some people call this a form of mass hypnosis.  It makes sense to me, so I'll just hypnotize people by repeating 'there is no recording equipment here; there is no recording equipment here' over and over again!"  

"No!" cried Your Editor.  "You can't just say something that isn't true over and over and expect people to believe it!"

"Oh yes!" insisted the Space Alien.  "That seems to be working with a lot of people these days!" 

And with that, the Space Alien scurried out the door with the heavy tape recorder and microphone.  You may not run into the Space Alien making secret recordings, but if you hear others repeating false statements over and over and find a lot of people believing them, you'll know others have been successfully using the same techniques!   

Thursday, July 19, 2018

The Space Alien Writes a Novel

Your Editor found the Space Alien furiously writing with a Waterman fountain pen filled with Sanford's Royal Violet ink.

She waited for the Space Alien to pause before she spoke.

"What are you doing?"  She asked.

"I'm writing a novel," said the Space Alien.  "It's a political thriller and I'm sure it will be a bestseller!"

"It looks like purple prose," said Your Editor, "but what's it about?" 

"Can you keep it a secret?" asked the Space Alien.

"Certainly!" agreed Your Editor.  

"My novel is about the leader of the most powerful country on Earth, yet one giving every appearance of being a semi-literate, divisive, habitual liar who, ignoring the advice of his expert advisors, becomes a slavish toady to the thuggish, murderous head of a third rate dictatorship!   

"Oh my goodness," said Your Editor, "you'll never find a publisher for that!"

"Why not?" asked the Space Alien.  "This novel will have intrigue and danger, and lots of exciting twists and turns!"

"But it makes absolutely no sense!" cried Your Editor.  "Do you know who Mark Twain is?"

"Of course I do!" said the Space Alien.  "Huckleberry Finn is one of my favorite books!"

"Well Mark Twain said words to the effect that the difference between truth and fiction was that fiction has to make sense.*  But your story makes no sense at all.  No one would believe it and no one would buy it."

"Maybe you're right," said the Space Alien.  "I'll write a romance novel instead about a character from Mars in love with another character from Venus!"

"Good," said Your Editor.  "That makes a LOT more sense than what you have here and would surely be a bestseller."
*Note to Loyal Readers: Words to this effect have been frequently attributed to Mark Twain, and this theme has been discussed in several venues; these are just a few examples:

 Your Editor thinks the exact expression may in fact have been from one of her own favorite authors,  Leo Rosten:

However, since it appears that Mark Twain said something along the same lines and considering that he is one of the Space Alien's faves, we'll leave it stet!

Here again, the Space Alien Gazette is your most reliable source for alternative facts!

Sunday, July 1, 2018

The Space Alien Gazette is Two Years Old!

Your Editor walked into the gleaming kitchen of the Space Alien Gazette and found the Space Alien putting the finishing touches on a beautiful cake.  

"What are you doing?" asked Your Editor.  

"Today is the SECOND BIRTHDAY of the Space Alien Gazette" answered the Space Alien, "and we must celebrate it properly!"

Two Candles and One to Grow On!

"But why three candles?" asked Your Editor.

"That's two plus one to grow on!" answered the Space Alien.  "And for the good luck that we need in this highly competitive world of modern journalism!"

"It wasn't just luck," observed Your Editor, opening a file drawer full of photos.  "We've earned our reputation for hard-hitting, up to the minute reporting that our Loyal Readers expect, in the tradition of these great journalists!" 

A Few of Many Great Journalists

"I thought this would be a great spread for our Special Birthday Issue" continued Your Editor.  These are just a few of the great journalists we admire here at the Space Alien Gazette!**  But there are so many more!" 

"To honor them all we must continue to offer the hard hitting, up-to-the-minute news our Loyal Readers expect and deserve!" agreed the Space Alien.

"Let's have a nice Kombucha toast to that," said Your Editor, "with a slice of that beautiful cake!"

And they did!

Dear Loyal Reader:  The Space Alien Gazette began publication on July 1, 2016.  To enjoy these early issues please visit

**How many of the great journalists in the picture above do you know?  They are Horace Greeley, Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein, Anderson Cooper, W.E.B. DuBois, Dan Rather, Walter Lippmann, Truman Capote, Gordon Parks, Andrea Mitchell, Fredrick Douglass, Walter Cronkite, Seymour Hersh, Edward R. Murrow, Nelly Bly, Mike Wallace, Mike Royko, Oprah Winfrey, Barbara Walters, and of course, The Space Alien!   Google their names to learn more!

This is not an exhaustive list and many more brave and talented journalists should have been included but the Space Alien accidentally spilled kombucha into a file drawer full of photos and we could not clean them up in time to meet our deadline.  We regret these omissions!