Monday, December 31, 2018

The Space Alien Welcomes 2019

The Space Alien is celebrating a quiet New Year's Eve with a lovely chilled bottle of sparkling cranberry juice. And here's another bottle of the same beverage for you to enjoy! All of us at the insanely busy office of the Space Alien Gazette wish our Loyal Readers Joy, Success and Good Health in 2019. 

This is may be your only e-mail today not seeking a donation. 

But if you would like to support a worthy cause either now or next year, the Space Alien recommends organizations that feed the hungry, such as Chicago's Food Bank, the Greater Chicago Food Depository.  Learn more here:

See you all next year with the hard-hitting journalism you can depend on!
The Space Alien Gazette
Your Reliable Source for Alternative Facts

Friday, December 21, 2018

The Space Alien Sings Messiah and Applies for a Job

The Space Alien enjoyed a delightful evening singing in Chicago's great Do It Yourself Messiah along with Your Editor, Joan, and two dear friends, Ellie and Cyndi, and took this exclusive photograph of them for the Space Alien Gazette.

Three Happy Choristers Sing Messiah
It was lots of fun and most inspirational, and conductor Stanley Sperber thanked the Space Alien for being there to help the 1500 singers at Chicago's Harris Theatre sing their parts without too many mistakes! 

Maestro Sperber, was also well aware of the important role of the Space Alien in the composition of The Messiah (about which you, Loyal Reader, may learn at:   

He therefore appreciated the Space Alien's assistance with another wildly successful Chicago Do It Yourself Messiah.

The Space Alien Assists Maestro Sperber

But this was a stark reminder that it was time for the Space Alien to find a job.  Holidays were coming and the Space Alien wanted to give gifts and entertain, but all of this took money and the Space Alien's wallet was empty.
The Space Alien Needed a Job!
In the "Help Wanted" section of the Space Alien Gazette the Space Alien found this ad: 

"Temporary Job — Immediate Employment: Delivery skills important, must love to travel and get along with children.  Send resumé to S.Claus@NorthPole."

The Space Alien quickly polished and sent off a glowing resumé, and was immediately called in for an interview with Santa himself!

"I'm ready to do the work," said the Space Alien. "Just give me the addresses and I'll deliver these gifts at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light!"

"I'm so sorry," said Santa, looking sadly at the Space Alien's glowing resumé.  "I can see that you are highly qualified for this job, but unfortunately, after some checking, I see you are imaginary!  How could I comply with state and federal regulations?  I don't even think you have a Social Security number!"

Santa Ponders the Space Alien's Resumé
"Well what about you?" retorted the Space Alien.  "I looked you up in Dun and Bradstreet and although you handle billions of dollars worth of merchandise each year no one seems to know exactly where you live or anything else about you!  And you don't even seem to have an Employer Identification Number either!  So I'll bet you are imaginary too!"

"Nonsense," said Santa.  "I live in the hearts and minds of children all over the world!  Ask any of them!  I was even in a newspaper article about this," said Santa, reaching into a battered attaché case to pull out a yellowing column from a 120 year old newspaper "so that should settle it!"*

"Ha!" retorted the Space Alien.  "I live in the hearts and minds of my Loyal Readers, not to mention my Editor!  So it looks like we've got this in common!"

Santa thought deeply for a moment before responding.  

Finally he said:  

"Well, you've made your point, so I guess you're hired!"

"Hallelujah," cried the Space Alien!  "I'll start work immediately!"

Loyal Readers, please remember that the Space Alien is new at many aspects of this job.  So if your young child receives a case of Dom Pérignon Champagne, or Grandma gets a skateboard and a pair of boxing gloves, please understand that the Space Alien is just getting into the job and should be a lot better at it by next year!

The Space Alien and the entire staff here at the insanely busy newsroom of the Space Alien Gazette would like to take this opportunity to wish all Loyal Readers a Joyous Holiday Season and Good Health and Happiness in the New Year!


* Loyal Readers wishing to know more about this famous 1897 column in one of our competitors, the New York Sun, can read about it here:,_Virginia,_there_is_a_Santa_Claus 
or read the full text more clearly here: