Wednesday, June 27, 2018

The Space Alien Aspires to Join the Supremes

Your Editor found the Space Alien in the Space Alien Gazette cloakroom wearing a black robe and posing in front of a full length mirror.

"What in the world!" she cried!

"I'm trying on this judicial robe," said the Space Alien "because I'm going to join the United States Supreme Court and I want to be properly dressed!"

The Space Alien Models Judicial Robe
"You cannot do that!" said Your Editor. "You are not properly qualified, plus you do not even exist!  You are imaginary!"

"This may be true," grumbled the Space Alien, "but I know right from wrong, which may be more than some of these justices do!"

"What do you mean?" asked Your Editor.  

"Just read this!" yelled the Space Alien, angrily waving a copy of an advance sheet with the Opinion in Trump v. Hawaii (and here, Loyal Reader, you may read it as well):

Or in the news, for example:

"The dissenting view, that this 'travel ban' against people from certain countries was in fact religious discrimination, made more sense than the majority opinion," said the Space Alien, adding modestly: "if I had been on the Supreme Court I most certainly could have persuaded the others to stop this travesty!"

Then the Space Alien pulled out a slightly edited picture, saying: "This is what the Supreme Court SHOULD look like!"

Space Alien's Suggested Supreme Court Portrait
"Well it doesn't, and it won't be, and I'm just as sad as you are!" said your Editor, "so get out of that black robe and put on your green eyeshade and get back to work!  Our best hope to save Democracy is a vigorous, independent press, and that is what we strive to be here at the Space Alien Gazette!"

The Space Alien Back at Work
Defending your Right to Know!

BREAKING NEWS -- June 28, 2018: Shortly after this edition went to press, Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy announced his retirement.  

The Space Alien will not seek to fill this vacancy personally, but urges all Loyal Readers to call their United States Senators urging them to wait until AFTER the upcoming midterm elections in November to consider candidates for this important position. The Capitol Switchboard at 202-224-3121 will help you reach your U.S. Senators.  

Friday, June 22, 2018

The Space Alien Responds to a Man-Made Disaster of the ICE Age

Your Editor found the Space Alien hunched over a typewriter working hard on a story for the National News section of the Space Alien Gazette.

"I'm writing about the horrible things happening to children at the U.S.-Mexican border," said the Space Alien.  "Have a  look at my copy so far."
You Editor gasped when she saw these words:

"The President, who infests the White House, met with members of the Congressional leadership who infest the Capitol, and with members of his Cabinet who infest buildings throughout Washington, D.C." 

"You can't write this!" said Your Editor.   "You cannot use the word 'infest' with respect to human beings!"   She picked up a dictionary and opened it.  "Just look; 'infest' only applies to insects or animals!"
"But the President used this word for human beings so I thought I could do that too!" complained the Space Alien.

"No," said Your Editor.  "If humans do not obey the law we have procedures to deal with that, but they were not followed here.  And these families trying to keep their children safe are human beings deserving full respect for their humanity."

The Space Alien reached for an eraser - -"I'm going to correct this, but I want to help these families and especially the children!"  
Your Editor said: "We'll run information on how our Loyal Readers can help!"

"That's a wonderful idea!" said the Space Alien.  "No child deserves this treatment!"

And with that, the Space Alien put on an appropriate cap, packed a first aid kit and some favorite toys, and traveling at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, quickly reached the children to care for them, cheer them and comfort them.

While the Space Alien is away on this important mission, here are ideas for Loyal Readers who would also like to help!  

RAICES Family Unification and Bond Fund


Friday, June 1, 2018

The Space Alien Visits Machu Picchu

Your Editor was working against an unforgiving deadline to finish a new Space Alien Gazette post for our Loyal Readers, but the Space Alien was nowhere in sight!   What to do?  How could important news be printed without the star reporter?

Suddenly the Space Alien appeared, carrying a heavy oxygen tank!  

"Where have you been, and why are you carrying that oxygen tank?" asked Your Editor.

"I've just returned from the fabulous ruins of Machu Picchu in Peru," answered the Space Alien.  "I'm working on an exciting new article for our Travel Section!  The view was magnificent, but at altitudes of 8,000 feet above sea level I could hardly breathe, so I needed this!"

"I took some fantastic pictures," continued the Space Alien, "but the authorities noticed me.  Since I'm imaginary, I have no passport, and I was afraid they would arrest me!"

"You certainly were in danger!" exclaimed Your Editor, "so what did you do?"

"Luckily a nice tourist saw how sad and frightened I was and offered to bring me home!" answered the Space Alien.  "By remarkable coincidence my rescuer was a Loyal Reader of the Space Alien Gazette.  She said this beautiful pottery bowl was a gift for you!  She was thrilled to meet me, and she hid me inside this beautiful bowl for the flight home!"

"You were lucky!" said Your Editor,  "The authorities might have taken you away forever if they had found you!"

"NO!" cried the Space Alien!  "I've heard about unspeakable things like this happening to little children, and I'm so grateful be here with you now!"

"So am I," said Your Editor. "My friend was so kind and so brave to bring you home safely,  and the bowl is indeed beautiful.  But how did you manage to fit inside?"

"No problem," answered the Space Alien.  "When you are imaginary, size is relative!  You should try it sometime!"