The Space Alien Gives Your Editor a Birthday Gift

As Your Editor woke up to yet another birthday, it seemed to her as if she'd had one just yesterday!  "Why do my birthdays seem to come so thick and fast these days?"  she wondered.

Then she noticed a beautifully wrapped gift box!
And there was the Space Alien, smiling happily!


"It's your birthday so I got you a gift!" said the Space Alien.  "I hope you like it!"


Your Editor quickly opened it and found a stuffed toy bearing remarkable resemblance to the Space Alien!

She gave stuffed toy a hug and turned to the Space Alien:  "This is amazing!" she cried.  "Why, it even looks something like you!"

"Oh, I'm probably much better looking," answered the Space Alien modestly, "but see, it's a handy neck pillow because sometimes you tell me that I'm a 'pain in the neck' and this could help!"

"It will certainly come in handy," said Your Editor, "But how did you buy it?"

"Well, you know I am imaginary and can't get my own credit card, so I used yours.  But I COULD have gotten a LOT more money!"

"Really?  How?" asked Your Editor.

"A highly placed individual offered me LOT of money for 'insights' into how you make decisions about stories in the Space Alien Gazette!  I think this individual wanted me to influence you in some way, and I could have gotten a LOT of money for that!"

"You didn't accept that, did you?" asked Your Editor, horrified at the thought.

"Of course not!" answered the Space Alien.  "I make all of these decisions anyway!  You just get the grammar and spelling and punctuation right -- at least you do most of the time.  But we both want the Space Alien Gazette to observe the very highest standards of journalistic integrity, and no amount of money could change that!"

"I'm so proud of you!" exclaimed Your Editor.  "Your kindness and integrity are the very best birthday gifts of all!"

The Space Alien gave a happy nod of acknowledgment, and then scurried back into the kitchen, emerging with an enormous birthday cake!

"Happy Birthday!  I made this cake for you early this morning!"

"It's beautiful!" cried Your Editor.  "Your cakes are legendary and they are always so delicious!  But why just three candles?"

"Well, we almost burned the house down with all those candles last year, so this year I'm playing it safe!" answered the Space Alien.

"I guess you're right," said Your Editor.  "At my age I suppose it's safety first!"

"Your words, not mine," murmured the Space Alien, scurrying to bring plates and forks, as well as some lovely flowers.  "But now let's sing 'Happy Birthday' and enjoy a nice piece of cake!"

And they did!

Editor's Note: The Space Alien's gifts last year were well-documented. If you have not already read that post, the Space Alien highly recommends doing so now at: http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2017/05/the-space-alien-celebrates-your-editors.html

Birthday Flowers!
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The Space Alien Visits the Art Institute

The Space Alien decided to visit the Adler Planetarium in Chicago  to study astronomy, but instead of taking the 146 Bus to the Planetarium, accidentally hopped aboard an early morning 151 Bus and headed for the Art Institute of Chicago.  

Riding the bike rack on the front of the bus was convenient and gave the Space Alien a chance to greet passersby who were thrilled to catch a glimpse of the Space Alien!

The Space Alien aboard the 151 Bus

 The Space Alien met a friend on the Art Institute steps.

The Space Alien Greets a Friend

Despite missing the Adler Planetarium, the Space Alien was able to study astronomy by examining the famous painting Starry Night, by Vincent Van Gogh. "I never saw stars like this before!" exclaimed the Space Alien to the friendly guard standing nearby.

The Space Alien Studies Astronomy

It was also a thrill for the Space Alien to meet and to have the ear of the artist Vincent Van Gogh. What exciting tales they shared with each other.

The Space Alien Shares a Secret

Vinnie (as the artist urged his new friend, the Space Alien, to call him) told the Space Alien that the current occupant of the White House had asked the Guggenheim Museum in Washington D.C.  to lend him a Van Gogh painting, and that the Guggenheim Museum had responded with an offer to lend a "solid gold toilet," about which you, Loyal Reader, may read at * below.    

(The Space Alien found this in terrible taste, but in the interest of keeping Loyal Readers fully informed, feels obliged share it on these pages.) 

All in all it was an inspiring but somewhat overtiring day for the Space Alien, who found a nice place to take a nap in the peaceful galleries of the Art Institute.  What a cozy room this was!  The Space Alien's new friend Vincent Van Gogh was so kind to share it!

The Space Alien Takes a Nap in Vincent Van Gogh's Bedroom 

While relaxing, the Space Alien reflected on this exciting day.  Sometimes even mistakes can have wonderful outcomes!  

All too soon it was time to go home, and the same bus that brought the Space Alien to the Art Institute was waiting outside the door for the return trip!  

By now it was quite late, so the Space Alien rode on the roof hoping to catch a glimpse of the same stars seen by Van Gogh.  Unfortunately Chicago smog trumped starry nights so this was not possible. 

The Space Alien Rides Home on the 151 Bus

The Space Alien recommends visiting the Chicago Art Institute -- or an art museum in your city.   You will find all sorts of treasures there, and you may even catch sight of the Space Alien!

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*https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/dc-politics/the-white-house-wanted-a-van-gogh-the-guggenheim-offered-a-used-solid-gold-toilet/2018/01/25/38d574fc-0154-11e8-bb03-722769454f82_story.html
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The Space Alien Shares a Passover Memory

Your Editor is temporarily (we hope) out of commission and cannot produce a brand new issue of the Space Alien Gazette in time for this special holiday weekend.

However, the Space Alien suggested that just as Passover is the time to share an account of a great event, this may be a good time to repeat a past issue of the Space Alien Gazette appropriate for the season.

We therefore hope Loyal Readers will enjoy reading, or re-reading, this thrilling account from an issue which ran a year ago.

Whatever holiday you may observe in the coming days, we wish you inspiration and joy.

Please open the link below, which comes with best wishes from all of us here at the Space Alien Gazette, your Reliable Source for Alternative Facts!

Here's that Link! 

http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2017/04/the-space-aliens-passover-encounter.html

Note: if you are reading the e-mail edition, we suggest that your reading experience of the Space Alien Gazette will be enhanced by opening this blog at: www.SpaceAlienGazette.com    

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The Space Alien is Home for Purim

The Space Alien returned from a lovely winter vacation just in time for Purim, which this year begins the evening of February 28 through March 1 (but a bit longer in Jerusalem!), and now it was time to prepare for this joyous festival celebrating the victory of good over evil!

Working at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, the Space Alien prepared platter after platter of Hamantashen, delicious triangular cookies stuffed with poppy seeds or sweet fruit.

While the Hamantashen were baking, the Space Alien read about the origin of these traditional cookies.  Even Loyal Readers who know the story of Purim may find surprising new information here:  http://time.com/4695901/purim-history-hamantaschen/

Loyal Readers may also recall how the Space Alien observed Purim last year:
 http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-space-aliens-purim-celebration.html.
(In the opinion of You Editor, many of the matters referenced there apply this year as well.)

This year, however, the Space Alien experienced a sense of deep concern, only heightened while reviewing an article published two years ago in The Forward. 

 https://forward.com/opinion/336149/trump-is-not-hitler-and-hes-not-haman-hes-ahasuerus/

But the Space Alien realized it would do no good to dwell on such matters because Purim was at hand.

The Festival of Purim is to be observed in four specific ways, and the Space Alien quickly set about doing this.

  1.  First the Space Alien listened twice to a reading of the Book of Esther -- the only biblical book traditionally written on its very own scroll -- and considered once more how an impulsive and selfish king, influenced by an evil advisor, was finally turned around by a brave young woman.

The Space Alien thought deeply about the importance of being brave enough to do the right thing and not to give in to fear or despair, or to become confused by life's contradictions and discrepancies.

2.  Next the Space Alien prepared baskets of delicious treats for friends and family, sharing pleasure and enhancing loving relationships.

3.  Then the Space Alien shared food and money for some meals with those in need, and experienced the joy of giving and strengthening community ties.

The Space Alien also borrowed Your Editor's credit card to make a  generous contribution to the Greater Chicago Food Depository and urges Loyal Readers to do so as well!

https://www.chicagosfoodbank.org


4.  Finally, the the Space Alien invited everyone to a wonderful party to celebrate the Festival of Purim, to wear costumes and eat yummy food, but most of all, to encourage optimism over despair, and to energize everyone to work for a better future!

  Your Editor, as well as the reporters, editors, press operators and delivery drivers of the Space Alien Gazette join the Space Alien in wishing everyone a Happy Purim!

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The Space Alien Plans a Vacation and Sends a Valentine

Your Editor had enough of winter!  It was cold and dark and icy, and, to make matters worse,  the Space Alien had built a snowman and was going around telling everyone that it "looks just like Your Editor!"

Enough was enough, thought Your Editor, and she had just started packing for a lovely winter getaway to the Cayman Islands when the Space Alien whooshed in carrying a well-traveled valise.

"Where are your going?" asked Your Editor, who was frantically searching for her plane ticket and passport.

"I thought I'd go with you," answered the Space Alien.  "Publishing the Space Alien Gazette is hard work and I could use a little sea and sunshine so I'll join you!  I just checked out the latest Cayman tourist publication and this looks like it would be perfect for me!  Nothing more relaxing than a hammock on the beach!"

Your Editor, watching a quiet, stress-free vacation going down the drain, turned to the Space Alien and asked, "How will you do that?  You don't even have a passport!"

"I've thought about that," answered the Space Alien.  "Since I'm imaginary there's no way I can get a passport, so I'll travel as your Emotional Support Animal!  Not only dogs, but even birds, pigs, hamsters and iguanas have been allowed on planes to give emotional support to travelers, and to tell the truth, you look like you could use this!"

"No!" cried Your Editor picking up a copy of the Space Alien Gazette's main competitor, the Chicago Tribune. "Just look!  Airlines are cracking down on this!"

And she proceeded to show the Space Alien the following articles, which you, Loyal Reader, may find here:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/editorials/ct-edit-delta-support-animals-airlines-20180119-story.html

http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-biz-united-emotional-support-peacock-20180131-story.html

 http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-biz-united-tightens-rules-emotional-support-animals-0202-story.html

"YOU are NOT a trained support animal," concluded Your Editor, "so you cannot be flying around free on airplanes!"

"Well I'll just buy a regular ticket then," pouted the Space Alien.  "Of course since I'm imaginary I'll have to use your credit card!"

And with that, the Space Alien scurried out the door, leaving Your Editor envisioning a vacation likely to be considerably more complicated than usual!

Meanwhile the Space Alien enjoyed fantasies of what a wonderful trip this would be!

Here is what Your Editor hopes to find on Grand Cayman Island:

And here is an exclusive peek at what the Space Alien is anticipating:

Before departing, the Space Alien would like to wish Loyal Readers a happy and loving St. Valentine's Day!  The Space Alien made this special one-of-a-kind Valentine greeting, with a cookie baked right inside, just for you!

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The Space Alien at the Women's March during a Government Shutdown

What a busy week for the Space Alien!

First there was the Chicago Women's March entitled The March to the Polls.

The Space Alien loved participating in the Chicago Women's March last year and urges Loyal Readers to check that out here: http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2017/01/the-space-alien-rallies-with-women.html

This year the Space Alien marched with friends including Your Editor, Beth, Maya, and one of the Space Alien's very best pals, Lady Liberty!

But while the Space Alien marched vigorously through Grant Park and Chicago's Loop, it was impossible to set aside worries about the federal government shutdown that had begun a few hours earlier, and especially about how this would affect the animals in the National Zoo.

Finally the Space Alien could linger no longer.  With a wave to fellow marchers, the Space Alien took off at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, and in a fraction of a second had arrived in Washington, D. C., landing at National Airport, taking the Metro Blue Line to the Farragut North station, and transferring to the Red Line to reach the Woodley Park-Adams Morgan Station near the Smithsonian Zoological Park, popularly known as the National Zoo.


The Space Alien quickly reached the National Zoo, and was relieved to find the dedicated staff at work caring for the animals. Nevertheless, the Space Alien pitched right in to visit all the animals and make sure they were all right.

The giant panda was quietly lunching on the bamboo growing nearby, so the Space Alien just shared a few pleasantries and moved on.

A kindly zoo keeper -- staying on the job whatever the pay situation might have been -- was carefully  feeding the smaller red panda.  What a lovely scene.

The Space Alien admired the Grevy's zebras - what handsome pajamas they wore!
Had they just gotten out of bed?

The Space Alien didn't know what to make of the mother okapi and her little one.
Apparently they just slept in pajama bottoms!  A bit too informal, thought the Space Alien.

But the alpacas were nattily dressed in their sweaters!

The Space Alien greeted an alligator and a crocodile who each returned the Space Alien's friendly smile.  What odd looking creatures, thought the Space Alien!

The Space Alien, now satisfied that all the animals in the National Zoo would survive the federal government shutdown, quickly returned to Chicago.  The Women's March to the Polls was still in full swing and even larger than last year as the Space Alien rejoined the enthusiastic crowd!

There were so many wonderful pictures from this march online; we cannot possibly print them all.
But the Space Alien was so pleased to be part of this extraordinary crowd!

However, Your Editor's family and many friends will recognize the speaker who appears about 50 seconds into the following website -- it's less than a minute long but don't miss it! Way to go, Cari!
(Be sure to turn the sound on at the foot of the video just to the right of the "play" arrow!)

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-met-womens-march-draws-thousands-012018-story.html

Here are a few more links from Chicago with some great photographs and videos of the people who marched and the signs they carried!

https://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/photos-signs-spotted-at-2018-womens-march-chicago-470298683.html

http://abc7chicago.com/politics/chicago-womens-march-to-return-in-2018-organizers-say/2521165/

http://wgntv.com/2018/01/20/photos-chicago-womens-march-2018/

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-live-blog-womens-march-chicago-20180119-htmlstory.html

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Women%27s_March,_January_21_2017,_Chicago_(32066902410).jpg

The Space Alien (who, as Loyal Readers know, has no birth certificate) is not eligible to vote, but urges Loyal Readers who ARE eligible to vote to do so during the upcoming 2018 Primary Elections.  In Illinois, this will be on Tuesday, March 20, 2018! 

The Space Alien considers this auspicious as it is also the date of the Vernal Equinox, the first day of Spring!  So mark your calendar! 

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The Space Alien Struggles with Language

Your Editor has been pleased to observe the Space Alien's increased command of the English language over the years.  Except for spelling (still a problem), the articles submitted by the Space Alien are generally ready for print when they reach her desk.

She was therefore alarmed when she saw the latest draft from the Space Alien.  It was full of language unsuitable for these pages, as well as mean slurs and demeaning nicknames.

"What's gotten into you?" she asked the Space Alien?  "Where did you ever learn such language?"

"I took your advice," answered the Space Alien, "and I tried to emulate the speech of our national leaders as examples of fine English prose!"

Your Editor groaned as she sharpened her blue pencil.  

But the Space Alien didn't even notice.

"Look!" cried the Space Alien,  pulling a large book off the shelf. "These words are in the dictionary!  Isn't that where you told me to look for words?"

"Yes," agreed Your Editor, "but look again.  Don't you see that your dictionary calls these words 'vulgar' or 'obscene'?   Do we really need to use them in the Space Alien Gazette?"

"But what if they are direct quotes?" asked the Space Alien.

Your Editor shook her head sadly.  "That is indeed a problem. I know most adults and even children have heard these words, but we still want the Space Alien Gazette to set a good example.  Let's find a way to report the news without sinking to vulgarity or obscenity."  

"OK," said the Space Alien,  thoughtfully, "and could it be that using these words exposes deficiencies in the user's own vocabulary?"

"That is entirely possible," agreed Your Editor.

"Look what I found online!" cried the Space Alien.  "Lists of Shakespearean insults!  Maybe I'll use some of these in the future!"

And you, Loyal Reader, may find these too at:

https://www.nosweatshakespeare.com/resources/shakespeare-insults/  and
https://www.shortlist.com/entertainment/books/30-best-shakespearean-insults/95397 and
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/04/23/15-great-william-shakespeare-insults-which-are-better-than-swear/ and
http://web.mit.edu/dryfoo/Funny-pages/shakespeare-insult-kit.html

"Now about those nicknames..." began Your Editor.

"Yes indeed," chuckled the Space Alien, "I'll start with calling you 'Pointy Blue Pencil Head' and our chief printing press operator can be 'Lead Head' and I think I'll make up lots more names like that for our reporters and editors and delivery crew!  How do you like that?"

"Hmm," answered Your Editor, "would you like it if I called you 'Funny Looking Bug Eyes?'   Do you think that would help us get along better?  Would it improve the working environment here at the Space Alien Gazette?  Would we be able to work together as effectively to put out a first rate newspaper?"

The Space Alien winced remembering painful times on the playground.

"No," said the Space Alien thoughtfully.  "I guess not!  That is what little children sometimes do to each other, but when they grow up they learn how hurtful this is and how it works against mutual understanding."

Your Editor nodded in agreement.

The Space Alien and Your Editor sat quietly for a moment.

Then the Space Alien spoke:  "I would like to see the Space Alien Gazette set the very highest standard for language which unites and does not divide, and I'll do my very best to achieve that."

"Me too," agreed Your Editor.  "Now let's get some lunch!"

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Happy New Year 2018

The Space Alien and the entire staff of the Space Alien Gazette wish Loyal Readers good health and much happiness in 2018!  

The Space Alien will spend January 1, 2018 writing page upon page of New Year's resolutions, and resolves to be a kinder, more thoughtful and more generous Space Alien in the coming year.  

If you are having trouble thinking of good resolutions for 2018, the Space Alien recommends drawing inspiration from back issues of the Space Alien Gazette at www.spacealiengazette.com.

Your Editor wishes Loyal Readers good health and happiness in the coming year, and recommends enjoying the day with friends, family, or just relaxing and reading a good book! -- preferably one that offers new hope for the year ahead!