The Space Alien Experiences a Solar Eclipse

Once upon a time long ago, the Space Alien, noticed that the sun was suddenly not as bright as usual.  In fact, the sky had become dark in the middle of the day, and stars appeared at noon!

The Space Alien decided to investigate.   Having studied with many astronomers, including Ptolemy, Copernicus and Galileo, the Space Alien knew a bit about the movements of the Sun, the Earth and the Moon and quickly swung into action.

Ptolemy, c. 100 A.D. to c. 170 A.D. Said the Earth is at the Center of the Universe

Nicolaus Copernicus, 1473-1543, Said the Earth Revolves around the Sun

Galileo Galilei, 1564-1642, Got into Trouble for Saying the Earth Moves around the Sun

 

First the the Space Alien reviewed a model of Sun, Moon, and Earth.

"It's much more complicated than an Erector Set," thought the Space Alien.

Not a Toy!

Next, the Space Alien stopped to ponder some epistemological wisdom,  first of Copernicus:

The Space Alien's Philosophy of Epistomology

And then the words of the great Cowboy Philosopher, Will Rogers:

Finally, neatly packing essential astronomical gear, including a portable telescope and an antique astrolabe into a bright red Radio Flyer wagon, the Space Alien headed into space, quickly reaching tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, and soon discovered the problem.

The Space Alien Transports Astronomical Equipment

The Space Alien was alarmed to see that the Moon had moved between the Sun and the Earth, causing the earth to become as dark at night, although it was the middle of the day!

The Space Alien sighed, thinking of the difficult task ahead.  To prevent the Earth from being trapped in a state of total, permanent, frozen darkness, it would be necessary to push the Moon out of the way of the Sun!

It would be a difficult task indeed, but the Space Alien was never a shirker.

"Thank goodness for my Radio Flyer wagon," thought the Space Alien, downing a  Tootsie Roll for quick energy and summoning every bit of reserve strength to hoist the massive Moon into the bright red wagon.

Once the Moon was safely in the wagon, it took all of the Space Alien's considerable power to get the wagon moving.  The work was exhausting, but nevertheless the Space Alien persisted.

The Space Alien Pushes the Moon away from in front of the Sun

In a few hours the job was done, the sun made it's bright appearance ...

Here Comes the Sun!

...and the Space Alien hurried home and settled down for a well-deserved rest!

The Space Alien Takes a Nap

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Space Alien is now wide-awake, preparing for the total eclipse of the sun scheduled to occur on Monday, August 21, 2017, and is ready, willing and able to take whatever corrective actions may be needed to keep the Earth safe!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note 1: We know loyal readers of the Space Alien Gazette have every confidence in the accuracy of these posts.  But please bear in mind that they are generally written from the Space Alien's point of view.

Therefore, in the interests of full and impartial disclosure concerning the upcoming total solar eclipse, your editor would direct loyal readers to the web page of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) concerning the upcoming solar eclipse   https://eclipse2017.nasa.gov

There are also many wonderful apps for Eclipse 2017, and the Space Alien especially encourages loyal readers to have a look, and to remember to wear proper safety glasses:  https://eclipse2017.nasa.gov/safety

Note 2:  As Loyal Readers from the Chicago area know, the spectacular 2017 Chicago Air and Water Show takes place on August 19 and 20, just as this issue goes press.   The Space Alien, being deeply involved in preparations for the upcoming solar eclipse, will not participate in the Air and Water Show this year.

We therefore direct you to our gripping account of the 2016 Chicago Air and Water Show, in which, unbeknownst to the public at the time, the Space Alien briefly flew one of the airplanes!

Visit this post at:
http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-air-show-comes-to-town.html.
We know you will be thrilled and delighted!

Note 3: If you would like to learn more about Ptolemy, Copernicus and Galileo, whose observations laid the foundations for modern astronomy, here are some places to begin:

Ptolemy
General Biography:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ptolemy

Copernicus

General biography: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicolaus_Copernicus

Astronomical observations: https://www.space.com/15684-nicolaus-copernicus.html

Galileo 

General biography: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galileo_Galilei

Punished for discoveries: https://starchild.gsfc.nasa.gov/docs/StarChild/whos_who_level2/galileo.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE:  The Space Alien took this selfie with your editor and friends watching the Chicago Eclipse at the Point (Promontory Park at the end of 55th Street and Lake Michigan) on August 21, 2017.

(Loyal Readers should know that the Space Alien, even while relaxing here, remained alert to any possibility that it would once again be necessary to act decisively to assure the safety of the Earth!) 

The Space Alien's Ethical Dilemma

You editor arrived at the office of the Space Alien Gazette and found it strangely quiet.  Instead of the buzz of reporters, editors, photographers, graphic artists and linotype operators, there was only silence as the Space Alien sadly stared at a graph on a glowing computer monitor.

"What's the matter?"  Asked your editor.  "Where is everyone?"

"I let them go for the day," answered the Space Alien.  "I gave them a furlough day without pay because we are in such terrible financial shape, and they all went bowling!"

Staff of Space Alien Gazette goes bowling!

"How can that be?" cried your editor.  "Our subscriber base is growing and everyone loves the Space Alien Gazette.  Plus, I've heard the circulation departments at the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and even the Chicago Tribune are all a little worried!"

"That's probably fake news!" answered the Space Alien, "but just look at these figures in bright red!  We have to do something and fast!"

The Space Alien ponders the financial position of the Space Alien Gazette

"What do you suggest?" asked your editor, grateful that the Space Alien had studied finance with Bernard Baruch during the Wilson and Roosevelt Administrations,  Q.V., and had, just the other day, enjoyed a breakfast sit-down with Janet Yellin, Chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank.

The Space Alien meets with Janet Yellen of the Federal Reserve Bank

The Space Alien was all business now, with a list of things to do immediately.  "First we need to get our labor situation in hand.  I suggest you fire all union members and cut in half the salaries of all remaining personnel!"

"But everyone is so happy to be paid with their free subscriptions to the Space Alien Gazette!" cried your editor.

"I suggest you let them have just half as many issues," said the Space Alien, "but this is a crisis and you must do even more!'

"What else?" asked your editor, trying bravely to overcome her panic.

"You need to run for high office." said the Space Alien, "VERY high office!"

"ME?"  cried your editor.  "I've never held any elective office or even run for one!"

"Doesn't matter." insisted the Space Alien.  "You must run for office and be elected!  We can print lots of puff pieces about you in the Space Alien Gazette to make that happen, but we need to make the Space Alien Gazette great again, and this is the way to do it!"

"And then what?" asked your editor, a little miffed at the suggestion that she would need to be promoted in puff pieces, but also hoping against hope that Space Alien would stop for a moment to reflect on the wisdom of this plan.

Space Alien Tower
(easily mistaken for 
Trump Tower in Chicago)  

"Then what?  Don't you see?" asked the Space Alien.    If you are elected to high office everyone will want to subscribe and buy ads in the Space Alien Gazette just to stay on your good side.  Oh, and something else,  you'll have to move out of your home."

"Why?" asked your editor, now puzzled.

"So we can move you into your office here in the Space Alien Tower," answered the Space Alien.

"Don't worry," the Space Alien continued. "We'll bring in a nice bed for you.  Then we'll convert some of our extra storage space into high-priced luxury hotel rooms. Everyone will want to reserve one just to be close to you, because once you hold high office they'll know you can do things for them!   You'll love it!  We'll install a swimming pool and a golf putting green, and people can say they are just taking a vacation when they are really here to get close to you!  We'll make sure our high-paying guests get plenty of favorable press in the Space Alien Gazette,  as well as lots of favors from you, and all of this will definitely help our cash flow - and then ..."

"STOP!!"  cried your editor. "What you are saying is TOTALLY unethical!"

"Un-WHAT-i-cal?"

"UNETHICAL!"

"What do you mean?" asked the Space Alien, with a puzzled look.

"I thought you told me you had studied ethics with the great 18th Century philosopher Immanuel Kant!" said your editor.

"Well yes, I studied with Immanual Kant," said the Space Alien, "and I recall something called the 'Categorical Imperative,' but what has that got to do with this?"

"The 'Categorical Imperative' has EVERYTHING to do with this," said your editor.  "The Categorical Imperative enunciated by Immanuel Kant requires us to consider what would happen if everyone did something we were doing.  So I must ask you, what if everyone did what you are proposing?  What if every newspaper publisher used their newspaper simply to reward their friends even at the expense of truth?  And what would happen if everyone elected to high public used that office to enrich themselves?  What did Immanuel Kant say about this?"

The Space Alien thought deeply about all of this for a moment before murmuring:
"That would be awful if everyone did that!  That would not be at all the Universe I'd like to inhabit!"

Then the Space Alien reached for a well-worn copy of The Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals by Immanuel Kant, and opened it to this page:*

What the Space Alien learned from Immanual Kant

"I understand now," said the Space Alien.  "Thank you reminding me of my responsibility to our loyal readers!"

"Well, all right then," said your editor, calming down a bit.  "Let the staff enjoy their day off, and when they come back you can tell them there will be no firings and no pay cuts, and then you can send out for pizza to improve morale!"

"But isn't that just bread and circuses?" asked the Space Alien.

"Maybe so, but we can all work together to save their jobs and add value to the Space Alien Gazette," said your editor, "so that it will continue to be the leading reliable source for alternative facts!   Let's do it the right way, the honest way!"

And they did!

~~~~~~~

* The Space Alien, being fluent, as previously noted  (Q.V.), in at least 87% of the world's 6500+ spoken languages, refers above to Immanuel Kant's exposition of the kategorischer Imperativ found in his work entitled Die Grundlegung zur Metaphysik der Sitten (4:402).  Kant expressed this idea in a number of ways, and here is one of them:

... d.i. ich soll niemals anders verfahren als so, daß ich auch wollen könne, meine Maxime solle ein allgemeines Gesetz werden. 

... That is, I ought never to act in such a way that I could not also will that my maxim should be a universal law.

This closely resembles the well-known "Golden Rule" exhorting us to treat others as we would be treated.  

The Space Alien always tries to follow this guidance and exhorts loyal readers to do so as well!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Space Alien Gazette is One Year Old!

The Space Alien Gazette, which first appeared online in July, 2016, survived a critical first year in the rough-and-tumble world of international journalism, and the entire staff gathered to celebrate beneath the massive central rotunda of the Space Alien Gazette Tower.

Reporters, editors, designers, printing press operators, delivery truck drivers, and all the other employees of the Space Alien Gazette, along with their friends and families, waited in breathless anticipation for the Space Alien.

Soon the Space Alien arrived to deafening cheers and applause.  Even ping-pong games ceased as the Space Alien greeted everyone and proceeded to carry heaping platters of food to waiting tables.

In the honorable tradition of Servant Leadership (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Servant_leadership)
the Space Alien had prepared a banquet, beginning with beautiful greens and other vegetables lovingly and organically grown by farmers from all over the world, and bursting with fresh flavor and healthful nutrients!  

Food for a Celebration!

When all had enjoyed these gifts of sun, soil and devoted labor, the Space Alien, who had worked in the kitchen all night long, proudly presented, to the delight of all, a beautifully decorated cake!

The Space Alien Baked All Night!

Everyone, especially the Space Alien Gazette's food editor, marveled at this totally plant-based cake, baked with home-ground flour made entirely of nuts and seeds, with avocado for shortening and frosting, sweetened with dates, bananas and berries, and flavored with raw cacao!

Then the Space Alien set up a favorite small kitchen appliance, a Yonanas machine from www.yonanas.com, and in minutes had prepared dozens of delicious and healthful frozen fruit desserts for everyone.

The Space Alien Made Delicious Frozen Fruit Desserts for Everyone!

The Space Alien went home that evening, tired but happy, and reassured that the Space Alien Gazette would continue in its all-important role as an inspirational and reliable source of hard-hitting news and alternative facts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is one of the Space Alien's exclusive photographs of just a few of the happy party-goers celebrating the first year of publication of the Space Alien Gazette.   Their upraised fists signify that they consume at least six large fistfuls of greens daily!

Happy Birthday, Space Alien Gazette!

The Space Alien Advertises: Situation Wanted

Your editor picked up the most recent edition of the Space Alien Gazette and noticed the following advertisement in the Classified Advertising section:

"Situation wanted:  Good looking, charismatic figure, currently underemployed, seeks position as mascot for a major (preferably Fortune 500) retailer.  Will travel at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light to attend your company parties, store openings, and children's events.  My picture on your store-brand products guaranteed to increase sales.  Let the Space Alien up YOUR revenues! Serious inquiries only."

"What IS this?" cried your editor as the Space Alien sauntered into the insanely busy newsroom of the Space Alien Gazette.

"I just saw Jewel-Osco's new mascot, JOJO." said the Space Alien, pointing to  https://www.jewelosco.com/2017/06/jojos-club/ and printing part of it to show your editor.
(Note to Loyal Readers beyond the Chicago area: Jewel-Osco is a large grocery-drugstore chain mainly in Illinois, Indiana and Iowa).

Why wasn't the Space Alien chosen as the Jewel-Osco Mascot?

The Space Alien continued:  "I know I can do a LOT better than that for any company that wants to make me their mascot!  Lots of people think JOJO is pretty scary!  I think I'm a lot more relatable!"

"Well, you are, uh, unique," said your editor, "but we discourage Space Alien Gazette staff from advertising on our pages, and besides, you have a full time job here!"

"You mean you are going to pull my ad?" asked the Space Alien.

"Well, no," said your editor thoughtfully, "although I must take exception to your claim that you are underemployed.  Let's wait and see if any Fortune 500 retailers respond!"

The Space Alien agreed with your editor's "wait and see" proposal and retreated to a comfy nook at the nearest public library with stacks of ancient stories about Odysseus (Greek) or Ulysses (Latin), in which the cyclops Polyphemus, a malevolent giant with one eye in the middle of his forehead, overturned ships and dined on some of the sailors while sealing others in a cave for his future dining pleasure.   All in all it was not such a good time for this ancient crew and their leader.

Cyclops Seals Sailors
in Cave

Cyclops Overturns Ship

Here is a nice little video about this:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv2d0-dRrHI
You can watch it in under two minutes, but the Space Alien suggests you not do so at bedtime as the Space Alien Gazette cannot be responsible for your nightmares.

You may learn more about this at:
 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyphemus

Serious classics scholars may learn even more at: http://www.theoi.com/Gigante/GigantePolyphemos.html

The Space Alien Gazette leaves loyal readers with this question:  Will "JOJO" overturn minivans and SUV's in Jewel-Osco parking lots to snack on grocery shoppers or seal them inside supermarkets?

The Space Alien wonders about this and will take appropriate precautions when shopping.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Breaking News -- July 15 2016:  Your editor, doing her weekly grocery shopping, noted with interest this sign on a subway entrance outside a brand new Jewel-Osco store at the corner of Clark and Division Streets in Chicago.

JOJO lures Customers at a Subway Stop
near a Jewel-Osco store in Chicago

Would JOJO eat some subway riders and seal others in subway cars for later snacks? 

Or could JOJO be induced to graze harmlessly in the Jewel-Osco produce aisles?

Transit planners everywhere are concerned and the Space Alien Gazette will watch this carefully!

The Space Alien Embraces the Saxophone

The Space Alien, exhausted in body and spirit from a seemingly hopeless political quest, and believing that only music could restore a flagging soul, decided to take up the baritone saxophone.

Blessed with an exceptionally powerful physique and enormous wind power, the Space Alien soon managed to coax a sound from this gigantic instrument, but certain that expert instruction would be the best path to mastery, decided to audition with the well-known and highly respected classical saxophone musician, Jeremy Ruthrauff  (Q.V.),  who welcomed the Space Alien to his studio and kindly asked the prospective student to play for him.

Orchestra Hall, Chicago

Maestro Ruthrauff, blown away by the beauty of the few notes the Space Alien produced and recognizing that here was a talent seen but once in a century, proceeded to instruct the Space Alien, carefully nurturing the Space Alien's native talent.  The Space Alien, in turn, embarked on a practice regimen including scales and articulation drills that consumed nearly every waking hour.

The combination of exquisite natural musicianship, superb instruction, and a strong work ethic soon began to bear fruit, and in an astonishingly short time the Space Alien was prepared for a solo recital at Chicago's Orchestra Hall!   Saxophonist Jeremy Ruthrauff was so proud of his student!  And the Space Alien was so grateful to Jeremy Ruthrauff for his outstanding instruction.
To learn more, please  click here.

President Clinton
Applauded a
Fellow Saxophonist!

The Space Alien's friends gathered in record numbers on the eve of the Summer Solstice for their hero's first public appearance on this distinguished stage.

Among the music lovers in the standing room only crowd at Orchestra Hall that night was President Bill Clinton, also a saxophone player, who applauded enthusiastically and brought his own tenor sax along so that the Space Alien could autograph the case.    

President Clinton invited the Space Alien to jam with his jazz group but the Space Alien sadly expressed regret at not yet being sufficiently skilled in jazz improvisation.  "Perhaps next year!" the Space Alien politely told this new fan.  

 click here  
to hear the Space Alien play!

And now, loyal readers, you may enjoy the Space Alien's performance of a moving prelude by Johann Sebastian Bach.  Best known as a work for the 'cello, the Space Alien performs this on a baritone saxophone.  

We hope the Space Alien's artistry will launch your senses on an intergalactic voyage, calming your body and refreshing your soul.  

When you are ready to enjoy three minutes of beautiful music expressing the Space Alien's deepest longings and loftiest aspirations, please click under the picture (and then click on the arrow that appears).  

(If this clip sounds remarkably like the Space Alien's teacher Jeremy Ruthrauff's performance, it is because the Space Alien believes that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!)

This is the Space Alien's Summertime Gift to You!

The Space Alien Accepts a Loss

James Comey Testifies

Your editor had been watching TV the other day as the former Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) testified at Senate Hearings, when she learned that the President had appointed Christopher Wray to be Director of that famous law enforcement agency.

Christopher Wray
Appointed 

While this appointment awaits Senate confirmation, it appears that the Space Alien is no longer in the running for this position.

"Uh oh" thought your editor, "the Space Alien was really hoping for that appointment!" (Q.V.).

A Saddened Space Alien
Returns Home

Just then, with a giant "whoosh," the Space Alien, having traveled at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, was home from Washington, D.C., still wearing a fashionable fedora, but now appearing somewhat forlorn.

"I can't believe it," said the Space Alien dispiritedly.  "I knew I was a great candidate for that job!"

"I'm sure you were," said your editor, "but we don't always get what we want."

"Don't patronize me with your trite philosophy!" snapped the Space Alien.  "I need a meaningful job, one commensurate with my outstanding abilities!"

"Well don't snap at me," snapped your editor, "and I'll try to think of one!"

They sat for a moment, each somewhat taken aback by this outburst.

Then your editor spoke:

Carl Bernstein and
Bob Woodard 

"Look, I know you are the publisher of the Space Alien Gazette, so technically you are my boss, but could I suggest that we badly need an investigative reporter?   Someone to look into the dark shadows of public life and keep our loyal readers informed!"

"Like Woodward & Bernstein?" asked the Space Alien.

"Sure!  Just like them!" answered your editor.

Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford

"Could I be in a movie like Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman in All the President's Men?"

"Why not?" answered your editor.

"Who would play me?" asked the Space Alien.

"We can think about that later," said your editor.

"I'd play myself," said the Space Alien "I'm good looking and I'll be a great investigator!   It would be like being the FBI without the Federal Bureau part, right?"

The Space Alien Prepares to Investigate!

"Something like that," murmured your editor, "and look, I have a brand new heavy-duty flashlight for you!'

The Space Alien examined the flashlight carefully.

"Say, this is terrific!  I can really investigate with this!"

"Yes, you can shine it into dark corners and let our loyal readers know what you find!"

So, Loyal Readers, the Space Alien welcomes your leads into secret doings in the corridors of power that cry out for investigation.  You may submit your ideas via the "write us" section in the sidebar.  (If you received this via e-mail subscription you may need to go to the website www.spacealiengazette.com to do this, or simply respond by return e-mail).

All responses received during the month of June, 2017, will be carefully considered by the Space Alien and the entire staff of the Space Alien Gazette.    Did we hear the words "Pulitzer Prize" bandied about?

Could the Space Alien be our Next FBI Director?

The Space Alien Dressed
for Success

Your Editor noticed the Space Alien rushing from the insanely busy newsroom of the Space Alien Gazette.

"Where are you going in such a hurry" she asked, "and what's with that fedora?"



"I'm submitting my name for an important government position," answered the Space Alien, "so I'm dressing for success."

"What kind of position?" asked your editor.

"Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation" answered the Space Alien.

"FBI Director!" cried your editor.  "You have NO qualifications for such a job!  How can you even THINK of such a thing?"

The Space Alien Displays a Badge

"I do so have qualifications!" snapped the Space Alien, peevishly. "Look, I already have an FBI badge!"

Your editor examined the shiny bit of brass the Space Alien proffered.  "That's not a real FBI badge" she said.

"Well, not exactly," said the Space Alien, "but when they see how proudly I wear it I'm sure they'll give me a real one!"


"And I even have an official photo ID!"  continued the Space Alien, handing your editor a card.

The Space Alien's Official ID

Your editor examined it carefully and said "That's not even a real signature on there.  It's typed!"

"Well, you know I never learned to write properly but I used your old Olivetti so it's just the same, isn't it?"

"Not exactly," murmured your editor.

A Prime Suspect in the Missing Cookie Case 

After a moment, your editor resumed her interrogation.

"If you got the job, what would you investigate?"

The Space Alien answered without hesitation:

"I'd investigate the Cookie Monster!"

"The Cookie Monster?"

"Yes!  The Cookie Monster steals cookies and I'm sure he carries them across state lines!  This must be investigated!"

"But the Cookie Monster is IMAGINARY!" exclaimed your editor.

"Well, if the Cookie Monster is IMAGINARY, who better than me to investigate?  It takes one to know one!"


Your editor saw it would be pointless to argue.

The Space Alien Prepares to Investigate 

"And besides," added the Space Alien, "I'll be a great investigator, with my equipment all ready to go!"




Your editor was impressed with the degree of the Space Alien's preparation, but still had to ask:   "Will you be able to do this all by yourself?"

"Of course not," said the Space Alien.

"Just as soon as I'm sworn in, I'll hire my first deputy.  Here's a picture of my choice for that important position."

The Space Alien's Deputy Choice

With that, the Space Alien took flight, and is now believed to be traveling to Washington, D.C. at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light.

The President, currently traveling abroad, could not be reached for comment, but all of us here in the Editorial Offices of the Space Alien Gazette trust that loyal readers will join us in agreeing that the President would not make a better choice than the Space Alien for Director of the FBI.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Space Alien Celebrates Your Editor's Birthday

A Truck Arrived with a Huge Box!

The Space Alien was taking a break from  investigating serious national and world situations in order to celebrate your editor's birthday when a truck bearing a huge box arrived at the offices of the Space Alien Gazette.

The Driver Could Barely Carry the Box

The driver could barely carry the huge box inside, and your editor saw that it bore a card signed by the Space Alien.

"What is this?" she called across the insanely busy newsroom.

"It's for your birthday!" said the Space Alien.

"Well get over here and help me open it," said your editor.

The Space Alien needed Tools
to Open the Huge Box

The Space Alien picked up a tool belt to help your editor with the yards and yards of tape, string and wrappings and your editor pulled out a small package.

Inside she found a high-end  graphing calculator with row upon row of buttons for advanced mathematical functions.

For Big Numbers

"This is a nice gift," she said politely, "but why do you think I need this?'

The Space Alien seemed amazed at the question.

"Because of your  advanced age you need a calculator capable of handling extremely large numbers!"

"Well, thank you for that, I guess," murmured your editor.   "Now what else is in here?" she asked, pulling out an insulated container nearly as big as a small bathtub.

Healthful Veggies

The Space Alien pried open the container and pulled out a bunch of Swiss Chard from a box full of dark leafy greens with some cauliflower, radishes,  fennel and beets thrown in, and well as a few lemons and oranges!

An avalanche of kale, parsley, bok choy, spinach and dozens of other cruciferous vegetables cascaded onto the floor, nearly knocking your editor off her feet!
And all of it was organically grown!

"What is this for?" she asked.

"You need six large servings of these foods every day!  I read about that in Dr. Esselstyn's books in our Space Alien Gazette Bookstore on our website footer.   You need these veggies to live a long,  healthy life."

"This is important," continued the Space Alien, "because if you don't live long, neither do I!"

"Well thank you," said your editor, "I'll certainly want to eat plenty of these!"

Another Gift from the
Space Alien

Then she pulled out the last item, another small box.

Inside was a wall plaque with a portrait of the Space Alien and the words "Home Sweet Home."

"I'll hang it on my wall!" said your editor.  "Where did you find such a beautiful gift?"

"It's in the SAG Bazaar mentioned on our website footer, or just click here," said the Space Alien. "I thought you would like to have my suitably framed official portrait on your wall where you could always see it!"

"It is quite impressive, but how did you pay for it?"

"It was ridiculously overpriced, but you're worth it so I used your credit card!"

"Well, thank you for the thought!"

"And one more thing," said the Space Alien,  "I used your credit card for something else!"

"What was  that?" asked your editor, suspiciously.

To Donate, CLICK HERE.

"I made a donation to the Greater Chicago Food Depository so others could celebrate your birthday with a good meal!"

"Thank you!  That's a wonderful gift," said your editor.  "And as your editor," she added, "it may be unprofessional to say this, but I think you are really special."

"I think you are really special too," answered the Space Alien.

They sat in silence for a moment, and then your editor spoke:

"Let's go back to my house and have some birthday cake!"

"Will there be candles on it?" asked the Space Alien.

"Certainly!  One for each year!" answered your editor, who went on to describe the cake in some detail, but the Space Alien was already on the phone calling the fire department and paying no attention at all.

A Special Birthday Cake