The Space Alien at the Women's March during a Government Shutdown

What a busy week for the Space Alien!

First there was the Chicago Women's March entitled The March to the Polls.

The Space Alien loved participating in the Chicago Women's March last year and urges Loyal Readers to check that out here: http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2017/01/the-space-alien-rallies-with-women.html

This year the Space Alien marched with friends including Your Editor, Beth, Maya, and one of the Space Alien's very best pals, Lady Liberty!

But while the Space Alien marched vigorously through Grant Park and Chicago's Loop, it was impossible to set aside worries about the federal government shutdown that had begun a few hours earlier, and especially about how this would affect the animals in the National Zoo.

Finally the Space Alien could linger no longer.  With a wave to fellow marchers, the Space Alien took off at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, and in a fraction of a second had arrived in Washington, D. C., landing at National Airport, taking the Metro Blue Line to the Farragut North station, and transferring to the Red Line to reach the Woodley Park-Adams Morgan Station near the Smithsonian Zoological Park, popularly known as the National Zoo.


The Space Alien quickly reached the National Zoo, and was relieved to find the dedicated staff at work caring for the animals. Nevertheless, the Space Alien pitched right in to visit all the animals and make sure they were all right.

The giant panda was quietly lunching on the bamboo growing nearby, so the Space Alien just shared a few pleasantries and moved on.

A kindly zoo keeper -- staying on the job whatever the pay situation might have been -- was carefully  feeding the smaller red panda.  What a lovely scene.

The Space Alien admired the Grevy's zebras - what handsome pajamas they wore!
Had they just gotten out of bed?

The Space Alien didn't know what to make of the mother okapi and her little one.
Apparently they just slept in pajama bottoms!  A bit too informal, thought the Space Alien.

But the alpacas were nattily dressed in their sweaters!

The Space Alien greeted an alligator and a crocodile who each returned the Space Alien's friendly smile.  What odd looking creatures, thought the Space Alien!

The Space Alien, now satisfied that all the animals in the National Zoo would survive the federal government shutdown, quickly returned to Chicago.  The Women's March to the Polls was still in full swing and even larger than last year as the Space Alien rejoined the enthusiastic crowd!

There were so many wonderful pictures from this march online; we cannot possibly print them all.
But the Space Alien was so pleased to be part of this extraordinary crowd!

However, Your Editor's family and many friends will recognize the speaker who appears about 50 seconds into the following website -- it's less than a minute long but don't miss it! Way to go, Cari!
(Be sure to turn the sound on at the foot of the video just to the right of the "play" arrow!)

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-met-womens-march-draws-thousands-012018-story.html

Here are a few more links from Chicago with some great photographs and videos of the people who marched and the signs they carried!

https://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/photos-signs-spotted-at-2018-womens-march-chicago-470298683.html

http://abc7chicago.com/politics/chicago-womens-march-to-return-in-2018-organizers-say/2521165/

http://wgntv.com/2018/01/20/photos-chicago-womens-march-2018/

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-live-blog-womens-march-chicago-20180119-htmlstory.html

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Women%27s_March,_January_21_2017,_Chicago_(32066902410).jpg

The Space Alien (who, as Loyal Readers know, has no birth certificate) is not eligible to vote, but urges Loyal Readers who ARE eligible to vote to do so during the upcoming 2018 Primary Elections.  In Illinois, this will be on Tuesday, March 20, 2018! 

The Space Alien considers this auspicious as it is also the date of the Vernal Equinox, the first day of Spring!  So mark your calendar! 

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The Space Alien Struggles with Language

Your Editor has been pleased to observe the Space Alien's increased command of the English language over the years.  Except for spelling (still a problem), the articles submitted by the Space Alien are generally ready for print when they reach her desk.

She was therefore alarmed when she saw the latest draft from the Space Alien.  It was full of language unsuitable for these pages, as well as mean slurs and demeaning nicknames.

"What's gotten into you?" she asked the Space Alien?  "Where did you ever learn such language?"

"I took your advice," answered the Space Alien, "and I tried to emulate the speech of our national leaders as examples of fine English prose!"

Your Editor groaned as she sharpened her blue pencil.  

But the Space Alien didn't even notice.

"Look!" cried the Space Alien,  pulling a large book off the shelf. "These words are in the dictionary!  Isn't that where you told me to look for words?"

"Yes," agreed Your Editor, "but look again.  Don't you see that your dictionary calls these words 'vulgar' or 'obscene'?   Do we really need to use them in the Space Alien Gazette?"

"But what if they are direct quotes?" asked the Space Alien.

Your Editor shook her head sadly.  "That is indeed a problem. I know most adults and even children have heard these words, but we still want the Space Alien Gazette to set a good example.  Let's find a way to report the news without sinking to vulgarity or obscenity."  

"OK," said the Space Alien,  thoughtfully, "and could it be that using these words exposes deficiencies in the user's own vocabulary?"

"That is entirely possible," agreed Your Editor.

"Look what I found online!" cried the Space Alien.  "Lists of Shakespearean insults!  Maybe I'll use some of these in the future!"

And you, Loyal Reader, may find these too at:

https://www.nosweatshakespeare.com/resources/shakespeare-insults/  and
https://www.shortlist.com/entertainment/books/30-best-shakespearean-insults/95397 and
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/04/23/15-great-william-shakespeare-insults-which-are-better-than-swear/ and
http://web.mit.edu/dryfoo/Funny-pages/shakespeare-insult-kit.html

"Now about those nicknames..." began Your Editor.

"Yes indeed," chuckled the Space Alien, "I'll start with calling you 'Pointy Blue Pencil Head' and our chief printing press operator can be 'Lead Head' and I think I'll make up lots more names like that for our reporters and editors and delivery crew!  How do you like that?"

"Hmm," answered Your Editor, "would you like it if I called you 'Funny Looking Bug Eyes?'   Do you think that would help us get along better?  Would it improve the working environment here at the Space Alien Gazette?  Would we be able to work together as effectively to put out a first rate newspaper?"

The Space Alien winced remembering painful times on the playground.

"No," said the Space Alien thoughtfully.  "I guess not!  That is what little children sometimes do to each other, but when they grow up they learn how hurtful this is and how it works against mutual understanding."

Your Editor nodded in agreement.

The Space Alien and Your Editor sat quietly for a moment.

Then the Space Alien spoke:  "I would like to see the Space Alien Gazette set the very highest standard for language which unites and does not divide, and I'll do my very best to achieve that."

"Me too," agreed Your Editor.  "Now let's get some lunch!"

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Happy New Year 2018

The Space Alien and the entire staff of the Space Alien Gazette wish Loyal Readers good health and much happiness in 2018!  

The Space Alien will spend January 1, 2018 writing page upon page of New Year's resolutions, and resolves to be a kinder, more thoughtful and more generous Space Alien in the coming year.  

If you are having trouble thinking of good resolutions for 2018, the Space Alien recommends drawing inspiration from back issues of the Space Alien Gazette at www.spacealiengazette.com.

Your Editor wishes Loyal Readers good health and happiness in the coming year, and recommends enjoying the day with friends, family, or just relaxing and reading a good book! -- preferably one that offers new hope for the year ahead!

The Space Alien Helps Santa

The Space Alien decided to pay a holiday visit to Santa. Traveling at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, the Space Alien reached the North Pole where Santa greeted the Space Alien warmly.



Santa was reviewing lists of who had been naughty and who had been nice, but clearly the jolly old elf was worried.  


"What's wrong, Santa?" asked the Space Alien kindly.  "Can I help?"


Santa sighed: "It's the Reindeer!  The other night they all flew to Chicago to dance with the Sugarplum Fairy in the Joffrey Ballet production of The Nutcracker at the historic but drafty Auditorium Theatre."

"They danced beautifully and they were the stars of the production, but they wore only their skimpy tutus and they all caught cold!"

The Space Alien peeked into the reindeer's bedroom and sure enough, there they were, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and even Blitzen!  All sick in bed!

"I don't know how we'll manage to bring gifts to all the little boys and girls this year," said Santa sadly. "These reindeer are just too sick to travel!"

The Space Alien thought deeply for a moment, then whipped out an iPhone, dialed several numbers, and had brief, urgent conversations.

In moments, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer stood at the door, with the Little Engine that Could close behind.  

"We got your call and we're here to help!" said Rudolph.  "I can guide your sleigh tonight!" he continued, and then turned to the Little Engine that Could.  "Can you carry all those toys?

"I think I can, I think I can!" chugged the Little Engine that Could. 

"Then let's get going!" they all cried out together!   

The Space Alien made sure the reindeer were all tucked in with warm blankets and plenty of hot lemonade to drink, and then joined Santa, Rudolph and the Little Engine that Could as they loaded all the toys aboard.  

The Little Engine pulled. . 
The Space Alien pushed.
Rudolph lit their way through the night!

And a relieved and happy Santa prepared to jump down millions of chimneys, delivering toys to little girls and boys everywhere!

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P.S. The Space Alien reassures concerned Loyal Readers that the reindeer were soon feeling much better, and there were plenty of gifts for them too! 

P.P.S. For loyal readers wondering about the reindeer dancing en pointe wearing pink tutus, Your Editor would remind you that these reindeer are most likely female.    This is well documented here:  
https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2017/12/19/people-were-wrong-about-santas-reindeer-nova-scotia-zoologist-says-theyre-actually-all-female.html

and see: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/12/19/santas-reindeer-are-all-female-zoologists-say_a_23312115/

and see: https://www.livescience.com/32149-are-santas-reindeer-males.html

Here are some extra goodies for good children of all ages:

Enjoy The Little Engine that Could by Wally Piper.
Find this 1930s classic from many booksellers!
Find a reprint of the original classic at Amazon here.

Listen to a reading on You Tube:

Here's a page-by-page reading of "The Little Engine that Could" complete with illustrations:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdFm7eekQZY

And here's another reading by none other than Captain Kangaroo:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nK6fbnHccOg

Learn about A Visit from St. Nicholas, the classic poem nearly 200 years old, attributed to Clement Clark Moore, that has shaped so much of our popular conception of Santa Claus:   

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Visit_from_St._Nicholas and hear a reading with wonderful pictures at  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEkZK9NZGFg

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The entire staff of the Space Alien Gazette wishes you and yours a wonderful holiday season and good health and lots of exciting adventures in 2018!

The Space Alien's First Hanukkah

On a chilly winter morning the Space Alien was awakened by a ringing iPhone.
The calendar on the wall clearly showed the year as 165 BCE (Q.V.), but who could be calling?

Who could be calling? 

Why, it was the Space Alien's old friend Judah Maccabee!  Judah Maccabee sounded happy but exhausted, speaking excitedly about how he and his brothers had won a battle to return their house of worship and had just finished an enormous cleaning job there, and how, although there was hardly any oil left in the lamps, they had miraculously continued to burn for eight days.

Then Judah Maccabee invited the Space Alien to a party to celebrate Hanukkah, the rededication of this beautiful house of worship, as well as the miracle of the lights that had happened there.  (And you, loyal reader, may learn more about this here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanukkah and here: https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-maccabean-revolt/.)

Of course the Space Alien accepted with pleasure!  The Maccabee brothers always gave splendid parties that sometimes went on for days.  But this would be the very first Hanukkah party ever, and a gift was in order.  But what should it be?

The Space Alien knew that the Maccabees had fought a hard fight against those who would keep them from practicing their religion.  Now that their house of worship was restored, a beautiful candle holder would be the perfect gift.

The Space Alien scoured the markets and at last found a beautiful candle holder called a menorah to hold eight candles to be lit each night, with one more added each day for eight days to commemorate the miracle, plus a ninth holder for the candle used to light all the others.

The Space Alien Gives a Menorah to Judah Maccabee

Judah Maccabee welcomed the Space Alien warmly and, as seen in this exclusive photo taken by one of the Maccabee brothers, was thrilled to receive the beautiful menorah.

What a splendid party it was!   The Space Alien joined in all the songs, spun a top called a "dreidl," shared tiny chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil called "Hanukkah gelt" (or Hanukkah coins), and had a wonderful time!

The Space Alien Spins the Dreidl

The Space Alien Shares Hanukkah Gelt

This year Hanukkah begins the evening of Tuesday, December 12 when the first candle is lit.  The eighth candle is lit the evening of December 19.   

If you would like to learn more about Hanukkah songs, click here.
(If you would like to hear these songs, there are many performances of them at https://www.youtube.com  Just enter the name of the song you would like to hear, or just enter "Hanukkah songs" and you will get lots of choices!) 

If you would like to learn to play a game with a little top called a "dreidl,' click here.  

If you would like to learn about Hanukkah "gelt" (or Hanukkah money), click here.

Loyal readers may enjoy another Hanukkah story at:
http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2016/12/the-space-alien-hanukkah-visitor.html

The Space Alien Gazette wishes all loyal readers a joyous and light-filled Hanukkah!

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The Space Alien's Thanksgiving Feast

The entire staff and special friends of the Space Alien Gazette gathered for a feast a few days before Thanksgiving.

Tom Turkey and a friend, confident that no birds would be served for dinner, brought a beautiful pie!

Tom Turkey and Friend Brought a Pie

"I remember what a good time I had last year," said Tom Turkey.  "I was so happy to find a Thanksgiving table with birds AT and not ON the table!"

To read about this at the Space Alien's 2016 Thanksgiving click here.

Soon the table was groaning under the weight of delicious whole food plant-based dishes prepared under the supervision of the Space Alien Gazette's Executive Chef.  

Many of the recipes served at this holiday feast were created by Carol D'Anca, author of Real Food for Healthy People, and may be found at: https://www.foodnotmeds.com/recipe/

Space Alien Gazette Chef Supervises Thanksgiving Dishes

The Space Alien worked hard to keep the kitchen clean and help wherever needed, but clearly had become a bit over-excited by the events of the day.

        The Space Alien Helps in the Kitchen 

       All in all, it was a wonderful party!

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PLEASE ENJOY THIS EXCLUSIVE SPACE ALIEN GAZETTE RECIPE 
FROM OUR FOOD EDITORS  

“IT'S NOT CHOPPED LIVER”  

1/2 cup dried lentils

1/2 cup walnuts coarsely chopped

1 large onion coarsely chopped

1 small clove garlic minced
1-2 fresh jalapeño peppers (optional -- hot!)

2 egg whites, hard boiled, chopped (optional) 
(these are cosmetic, to resemble fat; chop in some tofu at the end or omit)

1 tsp. bullion powder or granules (optional)

Cook lentils in 2 cups of water until soft (about 20 minutes) and drain.

Fry or water-sauté onions, garlic and (if using) jalapeños

Process with cooked lentils and chopped walnuts in food processor to desired consistency
(best to leave it rather grainy to look like chopped liver)

Add sea salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste   

Make the day before serving.  
When well chilled, press into bowl and turn onto a platter
Surround with crackers.

Or, as in the picture of another vegan pate below, serve with romaine leaves and bread with avocado slices and other garnishes so guests can make their own wraps or with mustard, relish and onion slices for sandwiches.

The Space Alien Gazette wishes you a 
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

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The Space Alien Visits the Oral Surgeon

Your Editor needed to replace a tooth that had gone missing many years ago.  As the Oral Surgeon began working on an implant, the Space Alien whooshed in through an air duct and asked the Oral Surgeon for an examination.

The Oral Surgeon, thrilled to have an opportunity to examine the Space Alien's mouth, immediately told Your Editor to stand aside and turned his full attention to the Space Alien.

"In all my years of practice I've never seen such remarkable dentition," said the Oral Surgeon, gently poking and prodding.  "It's obvious you take very good care of your teeth!"

The Space Alien's Dental Hygiene
 Impresses the Oral Surgeon

"I do my very best," answered the Space Alien modestly, reaching into a worn rucksack to reveal dozens of rolls of dental floss and packs of Stim-U-Dents neatly packed for intergalactic travel.
http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-flossing-wager.html

"Well, it certainly shows," said the Oral Surgeon, "and I'll bet you have regular professional cleanings as well!"

"I certainly do," said the Space Alien, proudly displaying an article prepared exclusively for the Space Alien Gazette depicting the use of an industrial floor scrubber especially adapted for this purpose.

"Your attention to dental hygiene is most commendable," said the Oral Surgeon.  "I only wish we could say as much for Your Editor!"

Your Editor Opens her Mouth

It was clear that the Oral Surgeon, now completely bedazzled by the Space Alien's unique and flawless oral cavity, had momentarily forgotten about Your Editor's presence!



Your Editor, who had become increasingly weary of listening to the Oral Surgeon heaping accolades upon the Space Alien, opened her mouth to remind the Oral Surgeon that she was, after all, the patient this morning!

A Modern Miracle!

The Oral Surgeon, a most kind and caring human being as well as a superbly skilled professional, quickly returned to Your Editor and carefully drilled a deep hole in her jaw into which he installed the precision hardware that would, in time, support a beautiful, functional, pain-free tooth.

This is truly a modern miracle, and one could hardly ask for more!

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The Space Alien's Hallowe'en Confession

Your Editor found the Space Alien sitting quietly, looking dejected.

"What's wrong?" asked Your Editor.  "It's almost Hallowe'en!  You should be thinking about your costume!"

"I know," said the Space Alien, "but I'm feeling sad and a little conflicted as well."

"Tell me," said Your Editor, drawing up a chair. "Maybe I can help."

The Space Alien handed Your Editor a NASA release describing a recently detected neutron-star collision that occurred millions of light years away, producing gravitational waves now measurable on earth.

And you, Loyal Reader, may about this here:
https://www.nasa.gov/press-release/nasa-missions-catch-first-light-from-a-gravitational-wave-event

And enjoy this exciting short video animation here:  https://youtu.be/x_Akn8fUBeQ

And read more about this here:
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/16/world/neutron-star-collision-gravitational-waves-light/index.html

and here:
https://www.quantamagazine.org/neutron-star-collision-shakes-space-time-and-lights-up-the-sky-20171016/

"I've read a little about neutron stars from collapsed supernovas at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neutron_star," said your editor,
"but why is this making you so sad?"

The Space Alien hesitated a moment, and then blurted out:

"Because that collision was partly my fault and it could hurt a lot of people!"

"Your fault?  How could that be?  It happened millions of years ago!" exclaimed Your Editor.

The Space Alien looked even more unhappy.  "You knew I had a life before we met, didn't you?"

"Yes, you had mentioned that," answered Your Editor, "but you've never told me much about it, and anyway, how does that relate here?"

"Way back in the day I organized teams to play 'Ultimate Supernova.' We tossed nebulas and neutron stars just for fun like you do with your Frisbees!  Here's an old photo of me tossing a bit of a supernova!"

Space Alien Plays Frisbee with a bit of Supernova 

"We laughed when we made the supernovas collapse producing neutron stars that would bump into each other," continued the Space Alien.  "The gravitational waves tickled us, and they made lots of funny noises!"

http://www.preposterousuniverse.com/blog/2017/10/16/standard-sirens/

"But that was long ago and far away," said Your Editor.

"True," agreed the Space Alien, "but the results of our youthful indiscretions have reached the earth, producing produce gamma rays that could wipe out everyone here!"

"No!" cried Your Editor!  "Where did you learn that?"

"I read it on Twitter," said the Space Alien, pulling out a Smart Phone.  "Here's a tweet by astrophysicist John Preskill of the California Institute of Technology, who has studied similar phenomena for decades!"  ( QV: http://www.theory.caltech.edu/~preskill/pubs/preskill-1982-catalyzed.pdf).

"It appears that these collisions produce many things," said Your Editor, "including precious metals!  I read about this at:   https://www.cbsnews.com/news/gravitational-waves-neutron-star-collision-ligo/ "

"We still don't know exactly how this will affect us," continued Your Editor, "but we're still here, so why don't you get to work on your Hallowe'en costume!"

"I thought I'd wear this t-shirt!" said the Space Alien.  "I found it online at our store!  Don't you think it's me?"

Space Alien models Space Alien T-Shirt

"That's not really a costume," said Your Editor.  "A costume is about pretending to be someone else."

"Well, last year I played 'Trick or Treat' pretending that I was really you dressed up as me," answered the Space Alien, "and, as I recall, you didn't like that very much!"  (And you, Loyal Reader may read more about this at: http://spacealiengazette.blogspot.com/2016/10/the-space-alien-celebrates-halloween.html)

"I remember that," said Your Editor.   "You created havoc at Hallowe'en parties and told everyone that you were me, Your Editor,  dressed up as you.  And that pumpkin juggling thing you did;  I never heard the end of it!"  

"I was just having fun and the children LOVED it!" said the Space Alien.

The Space Alien Juggles Pumpkins for Hallowe'en

"Well, it made an awful mess," cried Your Editor, "and everyone thought it was me!"

"Humph," snorted the Space Alien.  "I know you are my editor, and I appreciate that, but if you want my opinion you need to lighten up!"

"When I want your opinion I'll ask for it!" muttered Your Editor.

They sat in silence for a moment.

"Hey," said the Space Alien, "why don't we go to the Space Alien Gazette Hallowe'en party dressed as supernovas?  We can do a new dance -- the Colliding Supernova Cha-Cha-Cha!"

"You're on!" said Your Editor. "Let me grab my dancing shoes!"

And you, Loyal Readers, are all invited too!  Be sure to wear a costume!

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Shortly after this edition went to press a Loyal Reader asked how stars colliding could make gold.   The Space Alien, always eager to respond fully and accurately to reader queries, found this article.
https://www.cnbc.com/2017/10/16/scientists-discover-neutron-star-collisions-make-gold-other-elements.html

While this article does not explain how this phenomenon occurs, that stars DO collide to make gold is beyond dispute, as is clear from the result of a collision between two well-known stars, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor.

Evidence that Collision of Stars
Produces Gold 

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