The Space Alien's Passover Encounter

While enjoying a swim in the River Nile during an Egyptian holiday, the Space Alien was astonished to see a small basket floating along, tilted on its side.  

The Basket was in Peril

The Space Alien Grasped
the Tiny Hand

The Space Alien was even more astonished to see a tiny hand emerge as the listing basket began to empty its contents into the churning waters of that historic river.  

The Space Alien quickly swam alongside, gently grasped the tiny hand, and withdrew a tiny baby from the muddy water.

Fortunately the Space Alien had brought along two large, soft, white beach towels with blue stripes, and carefully tipped the muddy water out of the basket and wiped it clean with one of them.

The Space Alien's Large, Soft,
White Beach Towels with
Blue Stripes

Then the Space Alien carefully wrapped the tiny baby in the second white beach towel with the blue stripes, and gently placed him back in the basket.(Curious loyal readers may scroll to the very foot of this post for more information about why, when traveling, the Space Alien carries at least one towel.) 

Moses greets the Space Alien

The tiny baby, now cozily swaddled in the white beach towel with blue stripes, gazed calmly into the eyes of the Space Alien and spoke: 

“Do I know you?”

“I’m the Space Alien!”

"My name is Moses," said the tiny baby "and I  thank you for rescuing me!  I haven't learned to swim yet, and I thought I was a goner for sure and would never fulfill my great destiny."

"It was my pleasure," said the Space Alien, "but why are you out here all alone on the river?'

The Princess and
Moses' Sister Miriam

"The ruler — they call him Pharaoh -- wanted to kill little boys like me, so my Mom put me here for safety.  She knew Pharoah’s daughter, the Princess, would see how cute I was and rescue me when she came to the river to wash up.  And see - there she is now!"  

"And look," continued the tiny baby, "there's my sister, Miriam, ready to help the princess find a baby sitter who would actually be my Mom!    Everything is all planned and you can even read about it in your Bible in the first two chapters of the Book of Exodus."  (Q.V.)

The Space Alien looked up and, indeed, saw the women standing nearby.  

The tiny baby spoke again: 

"If I can just get to where they are,  I'll be safe."

The Space Alien nodded in agreement, and then, swimming under the roiling water of the Nile, carefully pushed the basket until it was close to the shore where the women were standing.  

The Princess and Miriam

"Goodbye, Baby Moses!" said the Space Alien softly, positioning the basket near the reedy bank.  "Be a good boy, fulfill your great destiny with integrity, and always tell the truth."

"I promise!" responded Baby Moses.  

The Space Alien waited as the Princess and Moses' sister Miriam, who would love and care for Moses, retrieved him, and watched them wrap him once again in the large white beach towel with the blue stripes. 

  

The Space Alien wondered how 
 Moses would use the white
beach towel with blue stripes.

Then, murmuring "My work here is done,” the Space Alien was soon aloft, traveling through time and space at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, to the headquarters of the Space Alien Gazette, where Your Editor was waiting.

"Where were you?" asked your editor when the Space Alien returned, "and how did your lovely white beach towel with the blue stripes get so wet and muddy?  And where is the other one?"

"I can explain..." began the Space Alien, but Your Editor impatiently interrupted.  "Oh  we don't have time for another of your 'bubbe meises' (Q.V.) now.  You need to hurry  and get cleaned up.  Tonight is Pesach and our Seder is about to begin!"

The Space Alien carefully rinsed the mud of the Nile from the large white beach towel with the blue stripes and hung it up to dry, briefly wondering how Baby Moses would use the other identical one in later years, and then hurried to take a seat at the lovely Space Alien Gazette Passover Seder!     

What a wonderful Seder it was, with the entire staff of the Space Alien Gazette and their families and friends.  

Here is one of the Space Alien's exclusive photographs:

Space Alien Gazette Passover Seder

The Space Alien happily participated in the Seder, munching on matzos while reading the thrilling account of how Moses grew up to become a great leader who guided his people to freedom, and smiled recalling the thrilling rescue of the tiny baby on the River Nile.

Whatever holiday you may be celebrating at this season, or simply to welcome the arrival of Spring,  The Space Alien, your editor, and the entire staff of the Space Alien Gazette would like to wish all of our Loyal Readers good health and much happiness.

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If you would like to learn more about the history and customs of Passover (Pesach) please click here.

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After dinner the Space Alien happily joined in singing about the little basket on the Nile that carried tiny baby Moses to safety!   If you, loyal reader, would like to sing along, here are some recordings, and, if you will scroll down, the words as well!

1. Sung by Tova Ben-Zvi in Sabbath and Holiday Songs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnGeGoTh4S4&feature=youtu.be

2.  Sung by Shura Lipovsky in Moments of Jewish Life:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRO6cVYe0vA


3. Sung by Lori Cahan Simon in Songs my Bubbe Should Have Taught Me, Volume 1, Passover:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg68VCi9zoE

4. Sung by schoolchildren at Kinneret Day School in New York: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdJ5ouoRmkA

And here are the words so you can sing it too!

Words are by the beloved Yiddish poet Avrom Reyzen (Q.V), and the music is by the similarly beloved composer Mikhl Gelbart (Q.V.).

Yiddish Text Transliterated in Latin Letters: 

Shvimt dos kestl afn taykh, Afn groysn nil.
Shvimt dos kestl ruik, glaykh, Shvimt dos kestl shtil. 

     Un di khvalyes geyen shtil, geyen tsart un lind;
     Vi zey voltn hitn zikh Ton a leyd dem kind. 

Shvimt dos kestl afn taykh,  afn groysn nil.

Shvimt dos kestl ruik, glaykh, Shvimt dos kestl shtil. 

     O, di khvalyes zaynen dokh nit vi pare shlekht.

     Nit dertrinken veln zey Meshiekhn fun knekht. 

Shvimt dos kestl afn taykh,  afn groysn nil.

Shvimt dos kestl ruik, glaykh, Shvimt dos kestl shtil. 

English Translation: 

The little basket floats on the river, upon the great Nile 

The little basket floats peacefully, steadily, 
The little basket floats quietly.

     And the wavelets move quietly, they move gently and softly,
     As if to keep from harming the little child. 

The little basket floats on the river, upon the great Nile 

The little basket floats peacefully, steadily, 
The little basket floats quietly.

    Oh the waves are, indeed, not like evil Pharaoh, 
    They would not drown the Messiah of the slaves
  

The little basket floats on the river, upon the great Nile

The little basket floats peacefully, steadily, 

the little basket floats quietly.

Original Yiddish: 

(You may also find this at http://www.yv.org/peysakh.html and scroll down a bit. ) 

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A Word of Explanation: Why does the Space Alien Carry a Towel when Traveling?

It was certainly fortuitous on this occasion that the Space Alien had taken along two large, soft, white beach towels with blue stripes, but loyal readers should know that the Space Alien generally carries at least one serviceable towel when away from the offices of the Space Alien Gazette. 

The Space Alien, an avid reader of science fiction comedy, was profoundly influenced by The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams which appeared in the 1970's as a radio comedy and was since published in many other forms including novel and film.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hitchhiker%27s_Guide_to_the_Galaxy.  

The Space Alien, always on the lookout for practical advice, found the following passage from Chapter 3 of this book to be eminently sensible and strongly persuasive: 

"A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you — daft as a brush, but very very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

"More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost." What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with."

— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
And see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Towel_Day

This is why the Space Alien likes to carry a towel while traveling away from the offices of the Space Alien Gazette, and strongly recommends this practice to loyal readers as well.

The Space Alien Carries a Towel when Traveling
away from the Space Alien Gazette

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The Space Alien Tries Jet Boots

The Space Alien was thrilled to accompany Your Editor on a recent vacation trip to the Cayman Islands.  

The Space Alien loves water sports, and spent several delightful days splashing about the sandy beaches and snorkeling among the coral reefs!

The Space Alien was fascinated by a local water sport, called "Jet Boots" in which a participant, wearing special boots fed by a hose shooting a powerful downward stream of water, is hoisted high into the air to display impressive athletic maneuvers.

(To see examples of this go to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ-S5n2iCm8)

Tourists and locals showed off their skill using Jet Boots on Grand Cayman Island's famous Seven Mile Beach.

(These pictures appear to have taken in Florida or the Bahamas.  But the  Space Alien insists that this is NOT a hoax!)

The Space Alien wanted to try Jet Boots too, but none could be found to accommodate the Space Alien's unique physique.

The Space Alien soon grew impatient, and announced to Your Editor "I can do that too and I don't even need those Jet Boots!"

The Space Alien then proceeded to urinate with such extreme force as to be hoisted even higher into the air than the Jet-Booted people in the pictures, as seen in this exclusive Space Alien Gazette photograph.

Clearly the Space Alien enjoyed showing off this new skill, to the delight of spectators watching from the beach and nearby boats.

Loyal readers should be assured that no environmental damage was done, inasmuch as the metabolically flawless Space Alien excretes nothing but the very purest crystal clear water. (Some have argued that this is, in fact,  evidence of a highly flawed metabolism, but that is most likely fake news.)   

Your editor hesitated to publish this in the Space Alien Gazette out of concern that younger readers might try to imitate this feat and be injured, or older readers might try to do so with most unpleasant aesthetic consequences for those around them.

But the Space Alien, asserting that the Space Alien Gazette should show neither fear nor favor and never shrink from controversy, decided that this news should be shared with Loyal Readers.

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The Space Alien's Purim Celebration

Your editor arrived at the insanely busy newsroom of the Space Alien Gazette and found the Space Alien bent over a desk in deep concentration.

Your Editor's Hamentashen
in the Oven

The holiday of Purim was at hand and your editor still had plenty of holiday baking to do.  (To read more about Purim, a holiday based on the Biblical Book of Esther, please click here.)

But she set these thoughts aside to greet the Space Alien.

"What are you working on?" she asked.

"I'm trying to work our latest crossword puzzle; it's a hard one!" answered the Space Alien.

"Maybe I can help!" said your editor.

King Ahasuerus

"OK, here are some of the clues.  The first one is: A powerful, but impulsive and not always thoughtful ruler."  


"Ah," said your editor, still thinking of Purim, "that would be King Ahasuerus, an ancient Persian king now more commonly known as Xerxes.  See if that fits!"

"No," said the Space Alien, "it's a five letter word, that begins with T and ends with P.   Oh, wait!  I just thought of it!"

And perhaps you, loyal reader, have thought of it as well!

"What's the next clue?" asked your editor.

Queen Vashti

"A woman dismissed from her position for refusing to follow that ruler's inappropriate command."

"That's easy!" said your editor.  "That would be Queen Vashti, who refused to obey the king's command to display her beauty to the king's inebriated guests wearing only her royal crown, and who was therefore removed from her throne!"  (And you, loyal reader may learn more about this too!  Just click here. )

"No," said the Space Alien, "it's not Queen Vashti, and this is a long one!"

The Space Alien fiddled with a pencil for a few moments and then cried out:  "Oh, I have it!   It's ActingAttorneyGeneralSallyYates!  Yes, look, it fits!"   (And you, loyal reader may  jog your memory if you'll just click here.)

"You are so smart!" exclaimed your editor!

Haman advises Ahasuerus  

"Thank you," replied the Space Alien, "but I'm trying to figure out the next clue.  It says:  An evil man who assumes great power as the ruler's top advisor, and attempts, using lies and distortions, to influence the ruler to do some very bad things."

A Gragger

"Oh that's an easy one!" said your editor.  "Of course this means the evil Haman, who told King Ahasuerus to kill all the Jews!"

"Hmm, no," responded the Space Alien, loudly shaking a gragger to blot out the sound of the dreaded name of Haman.   "Here I need a six letter word beginning with B and ending with N and with two N's in the middle!   I'll keep working on it!"

"When you figure it out let me know," said your editor, "and maybe I'll shake my gragger too!"

Mordecai and Esther

The Space Alien read another clue:  "A bright and beautiful young female who enjoys the protection and affection of the ruler, and her relation who is, in turn honored by the ruler." 

"I know," said your editor.  "That must be brave and heroic Esther and her wise uncle Mordecai!"

"That doesn't fit" said the Space Alien.  "All the letters that I have so far are I----T---- and J----K------."

Your editor frowned.  "If that's who I think they are, they are nowhere as wise as Mordecai or as brave and heroic as Esther; not even close!"

"Tell me more!" said the Space Alien.

So your editor told the Space Alien the thrilling story of how brave Queen Esther heroically risked everything, even her life, to protect her people from the deadly decree urged by the ruler's evil advisor Haman.  And you can read about this too in the Book of Esther in any Bible!

Brave Queen Esther Denounces Evil Haman to King Ahasuares

The Space Alien was inspired by this narrative to be wise like Mordecai and brave and heroic like Queen Esther.

But now it was time to get ready for Purim!

First, working in the kitchen at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, the Space Alien quickly  baked thousands of delicious hamentashen to share.  These were made with the Space Alien's very own recipe adapted for a plant-based diet from a course in Jewish Holiday Cooking that the Space Alien recently attended at the Cordon Bleu in Paris!  (q.v.)   

A Few of the Space Alien's Hamentashen

The Space Alien writes a check

Greater Chicago Food Depository 

Next the Space Alien borrowed your editor's checkbook and made a Purim contribution to the Greater Chicago Food Depository to help fill local food banks.   (You can do so too if you click here.)

And at last, the Space Alien was ready to join the big Purim celebration!   

As is clearly seen in this photo, everyone was there and the Space Alien was having lots of fun!

Everyone Was There!

Another Gragger

The Space Alien listened intently (and twice) to the reading of the Megillah, the Scroll of Esther, twirling a gragger noisily whenever the evil Haman was mentioned in order to blot out that evil name!

Hamentashen made by
the Space Alien

Afterwards, everyone enjoyed the delicious fruit and poppyseed hamentashen the Space Alien shared.

The Space Alien loved every minute of the wonderful celebration, and was inspired to be especially brave and heroic in the coming year!

The Space Alien wants to share these delicious hamentashen with every loyal reader of the Space Alien Gazette!    So if you happen to see the Space Alien on Purim (this year it's March 11 and 12), be sure to ask for some!  

The Space Alien has Hamentashen for YOU!

חג פורים שמח

[Khag Purim Sameakh]

The Space Alien's Valentine's Day Attraction

Space Alien Exclusive Photos

The Space Alien wishes to reassure loyal  readers frightened by the meteor streaking across the midwestern sky early February 6.   For videos click here.  For local reporting click here.   

The Space Alien took these videos and kindly shared them with the media.  

The Milwaukee Art Museum
Takes Flight

The Space Alien sincerely regrets this incident resulting from a foul committed during the Interplanetary Meteorball Super Bowl.  The offending player was benched for the remainder of the game, but the errant celestial body streaked dangerously close to Milwaukee.

Fortunately no harm was done to that city, which the Space Alien loves to visit, especially to witness the daily takeoffs (click here) and landings (click here) of the magnificent Milwaukee Art Museum.

Sensing the danger, our ever-vigilant and extraordinarily athletic Space Alien scurried immediately to Wisconsin just in time to deflect this hurtling ball of destruction to a harmless landing in Lake Michigan.

Space Alien's baseball skills 
save the day!

But far more important matters now occupied the Space Alien.

Valentine's Day was at hand!    The Space Alien was invited to lots of parties, and, thinking a new outfit might be nice, decided to check out the shops on Pluto.

Exclusive Space Alien photo
taken on approach to Pluto 

The Space Alien had been heartsick years ago when Pluto was demoted from planetary status. (To learn more about this, click here.  ) "I hope my visit boosts Pluto's morale," thought the Space Alien, traveling at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light and sadly musing on the expungement of this plucky planet from the planetary roster.

Upon landing on Pluto, however, the Space Alien felt pulled in a totally new and unexpected direction!

Resisting at first, the Space Alien soon became exhausted and fell into a deep sleep on a special tiny personal travel pillow and enjoyed a series of extravagantly wonderful dreams.

                                                     

Time Passes while the Space Alien Sleeps!

The Space Alien was astonished to awaken in a strange new place!

Checking Google Maps on a smart phone, the Space Alien saw that this was "Planet 9."

"So this is the famous "Planet 9," thought the Space Alien.  "I've read about this giant planet and how astronomers know it is there without actually seeing it because of its powerful gravitational pull.  Now that I'm here, I somehow feel SO attracted to it that I think I may never want to leave!"

The Space Alien (using an extra long "selfie" stick) snapped this picture Planet 9 in the Solar System and generously donated it to the great scientists at Cal Tech.

Then the Space Alien Googled an article to read about Planet 9. To see it, click here.

But duty called.  So the Space Alien stuffed plenty of souvenir dust from Planet 9 into a Space Alien Power Tote Bag, and gave a mighty liftoff heave, returning to the Space Alien Gazette, only to be  surrounded by reporters, editors, photographers, artists, Linotype operators and delivery couriers, all trying get closer to the Space Alien.

Staff of Space Alien Gazette
Crowds around Space Alien

"They all seem so attracted to ME!" thought the Space Alien.  "I wonder why?"

The Space Alien thought deeply about this, and decided that the attraction must have resulted from the the bag full of souvenir dust from Planet 9.  The Space Alien thought "If Chanel can have Chanel No. 5 Perfume then surely I can have Planet No. 9 Perfume that would render its wearers irresistibly attractive!"

Chanel No. 5

 

Planet No. 9

A few phone calls later and the Space Alien had found a perfume manufacturer.

Soon thousands of bottles of Planet No. 9 Perfume loaded with planetary dust were tumbling off the assembly line and the Space Alien's phone was ringing off the hook with orders from shops all over the world!

Learned Astronomers learning of this flocked to the offices of the Space Alien Gazette and tried to convince the Space Alien that it was the huge size of Planet 9 that created gravitational pull that the Space Alien had experienced as an almost irresistible attraction, and not some planetary dust.  

The Learned Astronomers 
Covered the Space Alien's Walls

The Learned Astronomers gave the Space Alien an article to read about this (and you, loyal reader, may read this very same article here.)  Then they proceeded to cover the Space Alien's walls with  mathematical equations illustrating their views.

The Space Alien read the article carefully, examined the mathematical equations thoroughly, and listened politely to the Learned Astronomers, who, in turn, thanked the Space Alien profusely for the samples of dust from Planet 9 that the Space Alien gave them to take home. 

The Learned Astronomers further explained that it was probably not this planetary dust in Planet No. 9 Perfume that attracted so many friends, but more likely the Space Alien's kind and caring heart.

The Space Alien shyly asked if perhaps having a brilliant mind, a sparkling sense of humor, and extraordinary good looks had to do with this attraction as well.  The Learned Astronomers agreed that this could most certainly be the case, and then departed for their observatories.

Now it was time to prepare for some wonderful parties!

The Space Alien selected a lovely box of Valentine candy to share, and picked out a special sweet to give to someone special! 

Gifts for All

A Sweet for Someone Special!

Finally the Space Alien, taking no chances and ever a liberal (though never a libertine), liberally applied Planet No. 9 to selected pulse points and set off for an evening of Valentine fun!  

What a wonderful time the Space Alien had!  Everyone wanted to crowd close to the Space Alien!  And the Space Alien, as you can clearly see in this this photo, enjoyed every minute of it!

Everyone was Attracted to the Space Alien!

Someday you might run into the Space Alien.   If you do, ask for a dab of Planet No. 9.  

You might be pleased with the results! 

The Space Alien sends this special message to every loyal reader:

Happy Valentine's Day!

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EPILOGUE:  What a wonderful evening the Space Alien enjoyed!  And the best part was that at the last party the Space Alien attended, a Loyal Reader was there and had brought along his record player and recordings written by the Space Alien's faves, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. 

(Attention younger readers: To learn more about this fabulous musical duo please read Leiber and Stoller.    And to learn more about their songs, please click here. )

One of Leiber and Stoller's great hits was a song called Love Potion No. 9 and this generous Loyal Reader allowed the Space Alien to take recordings of this song home!    What a lovely gift!  

Now the Space Alien listens to them ALL THE TIME (Editor's note: It's driving us crazy!).

If you would like to listen to these recordings, the Space Alien would be happy to play them for you!   

If you would like to hear this great song as originally performed by The Clovers in 1959 please click:  Clovers: Love Potion No. 9

If you would like to hear this performed by The Searchers in 1964, please click  Searchers: Love Potion No. 9

If you happen to be wearing the Space Alien's own Planet No. 9 Perfume while these records are playing, expect amazing things to happen!

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Dear Loyal Readers: We regret that Planet No. 9 Perfume is currently sold out. We hope that someday the Space Alien will be able to replenish the special Planet 9 dust required for its manufacture.  But if you would like a ridiculously overpriced tiny special travel pillow just like the one opon which the Space Alien dreams extravagantly wonderful dreams, click here.  And if you would like a ridiculously overpriced Space Alien Power Tote Bag to carry your own planetary dust, click here.

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Special Announcement for our Loyal Readers:  

Your editor is grateful to the Space Alien for granting her some time off from her exhausting duties in the insanely busy newsroom of the Space Alien Gazette.  This post is extra long because the next issue will not appear for several weeks.   

The Space Alien recommends using this time to catch up with earlier issues (posted prior to the more recently inaugurated subscription service) at www.SpaceAlienGazette.com.    The Space Alien believes this would be the happiest and most productive way for loyal readers to pass the lonesome hours until the next post appears.