The Space Alien Brings up the Clowns

While keeping up with current events in Time Magazine, the Space Alien learned for the first time about a virtual epidemic of clown attacks occurring throughout the U. S.  (To read what the Space Alien read, click here.)

Friendly Clown

The Space Alien, a friend of small children, timid dogs, and all others easily frightened, wants to assure the public that the majority of clowns mean no harm and simply labor under the sometimes mistaken impression that people actually enjoy being accosted by others with frowzy orange hair, tiny hands, and exaggerated facial expressions who say ridiculous and even offensive things.

Downright Evil Clowns

Clowns often bring joy to many, and the the Space Alien has been gladdened by their antics.  But some clowns, whether or not by intent, may do harm, and a few are simply downright evil. The Space Alien therefore asks: 'If you were in a room with 1000 clowns and knew that three of them were sprayed with strychnine, would you kiss one of them?"

The Space Alien knows it would be impractical to build a wall to keep clowns out of the U.S.  Some clowns are U.S. citizens and a few are even running for high office in the United States!

Good Citizen
Clown

But ALL clowns should be subjected to lengthy interviews conducted by I.C.E. (Internal Clown Examiners).   Clowns should be asked if they really think they are funny, if they really believe that others think they are funny, and finally given a series of riddles to answer beginning with "Why did the chicken cross the road."

The Space Alien as already noted (for more on this please click here) will not be running for the presidency of the United States, but sincerely hopes that the winning candidate will quickly establish a Clown Control Agency with the Space Alien as its Director.  The Space Alien only hopes that the winning candidate will not be a clown.

The Space Alien Cares!

UPDATE:  The Chicago Tribune (October 31, 2016) carried an important Halloween weekend feature on The Great Clown Scare.  To see it: click here.   (If you cannot open this, it is either because you are not a Chicago Tribune subscriber, OR because you may really be a clown!)