How High? Which Moon?

Thiago Braz da Silva Reaches New Heights 

Today the Space Alien simply gawked as Thiago Braz da Silva, the Brazilian pole vaulter, cleared 6.03 meters (20.67 feet) to win an Olympic gold medal for the pole vault.  Luckily the Space Alien had a cell phone at hand to record a video of this remarkable jump.  To see it, click here.

Space Alien's Entourage Lands on Titan

The Space Alien generally does not participate in track and field events, finding these sports uncomfortably hot and sweaty,  But while visiting Titan, the largest moon of Saturn, where temperatures linger at a chilly but bracing  -290° F., the Space Alien decided to give it a go and easily set a new personal record for the high jump.

The Space Alien regrets that the nature of the atmosphere on Titan, as well as the distance of that body from the Sun, diminished available light to the extent that the Space Alien's camera could not photograph this remarkable athletic feat, but urges readers wishing to set their own personal high jump records to use this helpful table to find other locations where this could be achieved.  To see this interactive table click here.

The Space Alien has heard that this superior performance had to do with Titan's lesser gravitational pull, in turn a function of Titan's smaller size.  But the Space Alien is sure that the marvelously stimulating nitrogen-rich atmosphere of Titan was to some degree responsible as well.  Would this be doping?  The Space Alien, who takes pride in staying in top condition, certainly hopes not!

Unfortunately the judges at the 2016 Olympic Games held in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil would not accept the Space Alien's record-breaking high-jump performance as it did not take place in the designated Olympic stadium.  The Space Alien was naturally saddened not to receive a coveted blue ribbon, but is still proud of this extraordinary performance.

This was not the Space Alien's first trip to Titan.  To see exclusive photos taken on earlier occasions from the Space Alien's very own photo album click here. The Space Alien understands that NASA took some nice pictures too!

Did Cupping Help Michael Phelps?

The Space Alien was intrigued to see pictures of Olympian Mega-Medalist Michael Phelps covered with what appeared to be giant sized hickeys.  "What a life!" thought the Space Alien.

But later the Space Alien was even more intrigued to learn that the symmetrical pink circles appearing all over the Super-Swimster's muscular body resulted from the practice of "cupping" - a long-revered folk remedy reputed to increase circulation and control pain.   To learn more, click here.

Centuries ago, in fly-bys across Central and Eastern Europe, the Space Alien observed this practice, involving the application of tiny glass cups called "bankes" which had been heated to create the necessary vacuum.   This was thought to remove evil "humours" or other causes of illness.  To learn more, click here.

But even this revered nostrum had it's limits.   When a bad situation seemed irreparable, and any remedy seemed futile, people might say:

.עס וועט העלפֿן ווי אַ טויטן באַנקעס.

Es vet helfn vi a toytn bankes, or: it would help as much as cupping would help a dead person.

Michael Phelps Displays Adorable Face and Cupping Marks

The Space Alien tries to maintain composure even in the most difficult circumstances, but understands the feelings of futility for any human trying to out-swim Michael Phelps in his best events.

For those wishful contenders, the above saying might apply. 

Greenland Shark Makes Literary History!

The Space Alien, ever appreciative of fine literature, was intrigued to learn that a recently found Greenland Shark may have been alive in William Shakespeare's day, 400 years ago.  (To learn more, click here. )

This exciting discovery raises the possibility that the name of the youth association, The Sharks, featured in Leonard Bernstein's hit Broadway musical West Side Story, a show based on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, may signal a connection between Shakespeare and a Greenland Shark.

William Shakespeare thinking about
 a Greenland Shark

Following painstaking literary research the Space Alien concludes that such a relationship existed based on the following incontrovertible facts: a) the elderly Greenland Shark is blind, as was King Lear, and b) the Greenland Shark has a well-developed sense of smell, as did Marcellus, who observed in Hamlet that "Something is rotten in Denmark."

Greenland Shark thinking about 
William Shakespeare

From this and other evidence, the Space Alien can only conclude that William Shakespeare had a fine-tuned understanding of the Greenland Shark
that could only be derived from close association.  However, rumors that the "Dark Lady of the Sonnets" was a Greenland Shark  are probably unfounded.



Epilogue 1: 

Shortly after the above story went to press, one of the legions of loyal readers of the SAG informed the Space Alien about a young Illinois man who recently had a horrific encounter with a shark while swimming in the Bahamas.   This was almost certainly not an elderly Greenland Shark. To read more click here.

The Space Alien joins the entire staff of the Space Alien Gazette in wishing this young man a speedy and complete recovery.

Epilogue 2: 

In response to this posting, one of the Space Alien's thousands of loyal readers sent this picture of himself about to enter the jaws of a shark.  The Space Alien urges all readers to exercise extreme caution.  Do not assume that every shark you meet will back off when you tell them, quoting Comedy of Errors, that "unquiet meals make ill digestions."

Epilogue 3: 

Your extremely busy Editor will not waste her valuable time elaborating on the origin of the term "Jumping the Shark."  Interested Loyal Readers may Google this on their own time.

 Epilogue 4: 

November 28, 2016.  The Greenland Shark was revisited on National Public Radio today.  Listen here.  

Perseid Meteor Shower Brings Memories of Old Friendships.

The Perseid Meteor Shower (or Outburst as it is sometimes known) occurs tonight as it does each year at this time, but tonight's display is predicted to be  especially brilliant. To learn more, click here.  It will last a few more days, but unfortunately the Space Alien has business in Chicago this week, where haze and light pollution diminish visibility.

The Perseid Meteor Shower

Perseus and the 
Gorgon Medusa

The Perseid Shower may be found by Earthly viewers in the constellation Perseus (see picture below), named for the heroic son of the Greek God, Zeus.  Perseus grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family (about which perhaps more some other time). His main claim to fame was finishing off the Gorgon Medusa.

The Gorgon Medusa was an ill-tempered female creature whose perpetual bad hair days may have been at the root of her unpleasant nature and general lack of good  sportsmanship.

The entire story of Perseus' life is far too violent for these pages, but curious readers wishing to know more (but not at bedtime as the Space Alien cannot be held responsible for resulting nightmares) may click here.

Perseus and Andromeda

Suffice it to say that Perseus was a nice enough fellow who seemed unable to avoid difficult, dangerous and even compromising situations.

The Space Alien always liked hanging out with Perseus and Andromeda.  Those were happy days!

Now Perseus and Andromeda are together where you can visit them in the Summer Sky at night!  The Space Alien is happy for them.

As for the Perseid Meteor Shower, this is composed of debris from comets, mostly particles of dust and rock.  To learn more, click here.  The Space Alien misplaced some keys recently.  Perhaps they'll turn up in some of that debris.  It's worth a look!  

The Space Alien Comments on the Olympic Games

The Space Alien -- while saddened by the harm the Olympic Games cause most of their host cities, and especially the people who are displaced and financially encumbered on this account --  nevertheless admires the dedication and athletic feats of many of the competitors.

That said, the Space Alien is not much impressed by the swimmers or track competitors.  Since the Space Alien routinely traverses land, water, air and space at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, the records set by these champions are a bit of a ho-hum (although one in particular has a face that the Space Alien finds adorable).

An Adorable Face

On the other hand, the Space Alien truly marvels at the courage and skill of the miniature female human beings who throw their bodies into the air with seeming abandon, landing on tiny feet without so much as a hop to regain their balance!

The Space Alien knows that these brave athletes could seriously hurt themselves while performing these feats within the Earth's powerful gravitational field, yet they routinely slip those surly bonds, if only for moments, seemingly to dance the skies under their own power, catapulting themselves in waves of ever-greater altitude and amplitude, and emerging with smiling faces that brighten our day!

Extreme Anti-Gravitational Manuver

Bevy of Skilled Gravity Defiers

P.S. Readers should know that the Space Alien loves poetry and was definitely influenced by Sky God by John Gillespie Magee, Jr.  to learn more: click here.

Walgreen's to Offer Disposal Kiosks for Unneeded Medication

The Space Alien was pleased to learn today that Walgreen's drugstores will now offer special kiosks for safe disposal for unneeded medication.

Thoughtful Environmentalist Does Her Part

This is a badly needed service because too many people flush unneeded drugs into the sewer system from which they are not removed by standard public water reclamation and purification facilities.

To see where the first Walgreen's Chicago Area kiosks are placed, click here.

The Space Alien, while meticulous about dental hygiene (as readers will readily discern from the lovely smile on the masthead portrait), had a toothache last year and was prescribed a painkilling drug.  This drug was never consumed and so the Space Alien has carried it across trillions of miles of  space to avoid polluting an already threatened environment.

Walgreen's gesture is therefore greatly appreciated.  The Space Alien has no idea where to find the "Corner of Happy and Healthy,"  but certainly knows, although the latter trademark expired in 2009    (click here), that "You're always welcome at Walgreens!"

The Space Alien is concerned about a large urban population suddenly deprived of tap-derived Prozac but trusts people will deal kindly with each other during the transition.

Black Holes: An Existential Hazard for the Space Alien

The Space Alien understands that space can be dangerous, and one of the most dangerous places in space is a black hole.  When traveling in deep space, the Space Alien reads deeply and thinks deeply about many things, including the research done on black holes by the distinguished astrophysicist, Professor John Preskill of the California Institute of Technology, and his colleagues. (To learn more about this click here.)

The Space Alien takes care to avoid black holes, but nevertheless, in a moment of inattention several eons ago, nearly tumbled into one of these bottomless pits of annihilation.  So traumatic was this incident that in addition to bentshing goyml (q.v.), thousands of hours of therapy were required to restore the Space Alien's sense of physical safety and personal agency.  Since then, the Space Alien has directed much energy towards keeping space safe.

A Scary Black Hole

The Space Alien understands that Dr. Preskill and his colleagues are primarily theoreticians, but nevertheless hopes they might direct some of their brilliance towards shedding light on practical applications of their theoretical work such as fabricating safety nets and rope ladders from cosmic strings (q.v.) to prevent accidental falls into black holes and to facilitate escape should such falls occur.  This would surely benefit space voyagers everywhere!

 Cosmic Strings 

The Space Alien Cares!

Dodging the Olympian Bullet

The Space Alien is proud to have an editor, your editor, who knew from the start how damaging the Olympic Games would be to Chicago and who worked with NoGames Chicago, an extraordinary band of highly dedicated and hugely talented people who spent countless hours in 2009 to keep this disaster from taking place in Chicago in 2016.

The Space Alien observed how cities around the world suffered financially and in other ways from hosting these games, and was distressed to see how little recognition NoGames Chicago recognition received for its role in preventing what promised to be a civic and fiscal disaster.  

The Chicago Reader was the only local periodical that "got it" back in 2009, and had the courage to publish Ben Joravsky's reporting while local civic organizations stood mute.

The Chicago Reader returned to the topic this week.  To see this article click here.
To see some earlier coverage by the Chicago Reader click here.
To see an entire archive on this topic, click here.

And for a more the recent Mother Jones story about the fiscal bullet Chicago dodged, click here.